Sunday, March 7, 2010

Symptoms & Side Effects

Well, something seems to be working. BJ and I decided to take a drive today. As I was getting ready, I put my jeans on. The ones I have worn for quite awhile...the ones I have needed to wear a belt with lately. The were in uncomfortable to button up. So I put them back on the hanger and grabbed the comfy pants! BJ's reaction to me not fitting into my pants..."that's great babe!" He is like a kid in a candy store...very excited but has no idea what he is in store for (tummy aches, weight gain, sugar binge!). Very cute indeed!

I am also having headaches. Not sure if it is caffeine withdrawal or the Lupron...headaches is a side effect...either way, I am taking Tylenol here and there and just trying to deal with it. I am also getting weepy. Commercials make me cry...dumb commercials. If it has a baby in it, forget it.

I was out with some girlfriends and I saw an Easter basket...I got teary-eyed because it would be so cute for my future daughter. If I have a daughter...God I would love a daughter. Of course the shop owner said it could be done in other colors as well. Of course that made me think of a son...the chance to see my husband play with his little boy. Tears, again. Before the whole basket incident, we had been sitting, eating lunch and one was telling us a story about trying to donate some of her husband's things to charity and how is a hoarder and does not want her to get rid of anything. She told us about some blankets that were sentimental to him and I just thought that was the sweetest thing ever...I got tear-eyed. Ugh...hormones!

I just want this to work so bad! I am hopefully about 99% of the time...but that 1% can get me sometimes. I am scared that we will go through all of this and it won't work. I am scared that we will only have this one chance because we won't get enough eggs to fertilize and be left with some to freeze. I am scared it will work too well and I will get OHSS. Or that we transfer 2 and they both split and we end up pregnant with 4. 4 is a number that we have said is beyond our level of comfort and that makes me scared that we will have to make an impossible decision. I am scared that I will get pregnant and everything will be great..until the Navy decides to send my husband to some far off location and he will miss the birth of his only child. And since we plan to only do this once...he will not get a do-over. I am just scared!

But at the same time...I am hopeful.

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