Monday, January 31, 2011

I Was That Girl Today.

I had the wonderful task of getting my friend Christa to her FET today. I was so happy to be able to help her out and be a source of support. You see Christa lives in Connecticut and our mutual RE (the fabulous Dr. P) is here in beautiful North Carolina. Since she was only flying in for 2 days...I offered for her to stay with me and that I would drive her to her appointment. (She had to take Valium beforehand so she was not going to be able to drive herself.)

So we leave the house and embark on our 2 1/2 hour drive...with a short pitstop to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. I was pretty darn proud of myself for getting her there on time! Unfortunately there was a hold up at the hospital and Dr. P was delayed for over an hour. Thankfully Nurse D let Christa empty her bladder and refill it...lucky her. :) There was a waiting room full of patients waiting for their ET's or IUI's.

And I was sitting there. The pregnant girl at the infertility clinic. Great.

It was so odd to be back at the same clinic where my little Nemo was created. Where I got to see her first picture as an 8 cell embryo. And there I sat with my friend as she waited to have her FET. Christa and I talked and joked around with one another. And when Nurse D and Ms. G got there I went and said hi to them and showed them my latest u/s pictures. But I felt guilty.

Guilty that I have made it to that other side.
Guilty that I am not one of those sitting there waiting for that ET.
Guilty that my 1 lonely embryo became my sweet baby girl.

And those couples sitting there, feeling all those same feelings that I have felt, have no idea that I have walked in their shoes. But I do understand. I do know. I know the pain of seeing some pregnant lady all excited about her baby. The jealousy that comes when you hear about someone else being pregnant. That overwhelming desire to just have a baby.

It is a struggle that so many infertile women go through once that reach the goal of being pregnant. Your heart is bursting with joy and happiness but your head is still waiting for that other shoe to drop. For the craptastic side of infertility to swing in and make your life a living hell. You feel a kinship to those women who have stood beside you during your own journey and even though you are "on the other side" you want to still stand with them. But can you? Do they want you there? Is it going to be painful for them to see you with a growing belly?

And the guilt sets in......

Saturday, January 29, 2011

We Bought Furniture!

Our sweet baby girl just got her bedroom furniture purchased for her!

It was a tough decision but we decided to go with JCPenney. I found a set that included the crib, tall dresser and low dresser for one price. It is the Hartford Straight-Back set....we love the simple, classic lines and of course the price. We wanted a set that would convert to a toddler bed and a full size bed and this totally fit the bill!

I really wanted to stay around $1000 for all of the furniture that we would need. This set is on sale for $750 so our $1000 got us the conversion rails and a bookcase. Tres important since reading is going to be part of our regular bedtime routine! We are re-using our LazyBoy recliner (covering it with a slipcover since it is navy blue)which makes me actually look forward to those middle of the night feedings. It is super comfy!

I am so excited for it to get here and set it all up!

We also decided on bedding for little Miss Madison. We are going with MiGi Blossom...totally girly without being obnoxious. I am thinking of doing the walls a lightly pink-tinted white. What do you think? This all started from wanting to find a cute knitted coming home outfit that would look good hanging from a shelf on the wall. I found a few things that I like but have not totally decided on that.

I have also made my first official purchase of clothes for her. Surprisingly harder than I thought it would be. I got a sleeper that is pink and white stripes and says "I love Daddy" on it and a yellow and white striped dress with navy blue polka dot trim and bloomers. And of course bows! She has to have bows!

Friday, January 28, 2011


Just a quick post to give my promised weekly update!

How Far Along: 20 weeks...halfway there!
How Big is The Baby: according to my weekly email, she is about 10.5 oz and as long as a banana. Crazy!
Total Weight Gain: still fluctuating about 1-3 lbs below where I started
Maternity Clothes: yes but still able to wear some non-maternity tops.
Sleep: I have had some insomnia this makes me so sleepy during the day.
GENDER: It's a girl!!!
Movement: Still nothing that I can say for sure is the baby...this is driving me batty
Food Cravings: Nothing crazy this fact there have been a few days where I have to remind myself to eat.
What I Miss: not much right now
What I'm looking forward to: A wonderful weekend with my husband and hopefully getting her furniture ordered.
Milestones: I am half-baked today!
Symptoms: I have intermittent heartburn. I hate Tums.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I Know I am Not Suppossed To But....

I am freaking out a bit.

I am 19 weeks 3 days pregnant and I have not felt any movement that I can say for sure is this baby. I thought I did...until it was just gas. (I am super embarrassed about that.) I know everyone is different but come on! I just want to be able to feel her move so that I know she is okay.

During our anatomy ultrasound, she would turn over and it absolutely baffled me that I did not feel it at all. Nothing. Ziltch. Nada. I just don't get how something the size of a mango can be kicking and rolling and yet I feel zero of it.

I guess I am just too padded. I know it could be (and most likely is from) the anterior placenta. Madison has lots of stuff to kick through before it registers with me. But I still don't like it.

Friday, January 21, 2011


:::tap...tap...tap::: Is this thing on?

I have been gone. I make no apologies. I have been uninspired to write anything. But I have been informed by a few people that I have not updated my blog. So an update....

This pregnancy is going pretty well so far. Since I last wrote on here, I have had 2 OB appts and my anatomy scan. My OB says I am doing great. I actually am still about 1-2 lbs below my high IVF stim weight. Basically what is happening is that all the bloat and water weight gain from IVF stims is disappearing and the baby weight is creeping on in. I have a goal to not gain more than 20-25 lbs throughout the pregnancy. But I have to be honest...Kosher Dill Pickle flavored potato chips do not help. :)

Speaking of those...that is the only pregnancy craving that I have had so far. I will get hunger for other things but not like the "I need it now!" feeling I can get for those potato chips!

The most exciting thing that has happened since December is we found out that Nemo is a girl! I am beyond excited to have a little girl. I would have be happy to have a boy too but I really wanted a little girl. Politically incorrect yes but it is how I felt. And I have thought since the moment that I saw that embryo that this was a little girl. Yay for mother's instinct!

So today I am 19 weeks...almost half way! I thought I should start doing weekly belly updates. So here goes my first one....

How Far Along: 19 weeks!
How Big is The Baby: about 6 inches long and 1/2 lb...about the size of a mango
Total Weight Gain: discussed above...still down 1-2 lbs
Maternity Clothes: oh my god yes...since about 9 weeks for pants. I can still wear some of my normal shirts but I do have maternity ones that cover much better. Dresses are not an issue
Sleep: I sleep fairly well...but I am waking up to use the bathroom each night (early morning) at about 4:30 am.
GENDER: It's a girl!!!
Movement: I don't think so yet...although honestly I am not sure. I feel bubbly feelings but it could totally be gas.
Food Cravings: see above :)
What I Miss: nothing really...the other day I really wanted a glass of wine but I have no desire to actually drink any.
What I'm looking forward to: Our trip back to Seattle in a few weeks to visit my family.
Milestones: found out the gender this week and I am getting more and more stranger comments....apparently I do look pregnant and not just fat!
Symptoms: nothing to really complain about...I am peeing more often