Thursday, September 30, 2010

Noah's Ark

It is time to build an ark here. (We are prepared with our 2 of each animal requirement!) It has been raining off and on (mostly on) since Sunday night. Of course this has made my house arrest much easier because I have no desire to go anywhere....but now I really need to run one errand and it is nasty out. Hmmmph.

BJ gave me permission to take my dress for the Navy Ball to the tailor to get it taken in long as I did that and came right back home...but it is literally raining like a monsoon out there. Not really conducive to walking my beautiful dress from the car to the tailor. Let's just say that the dogs look like they have been through a carwash in the few seconds that it takes them to go potty...if they decide to actually go and not just cower on the porch in front of the door. They really do hate to potty in the with most dogs. I really don't blame them too much.

So the wait continues.....

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

House Arrest - Day 2


Okay I do realize that many people have had to be on bedrest for way longer than me and that it has only been barely a day...but holy moly this is boring! Thank God for great friends though. :)

Two friends came to hang out and bring me goodies today (thanks Karen and Steph!)...a decaf pumpkin spiced latte, cookies, and magazines! Who knew a person could get so excited over such little things? So they hung out for awhile...the three of us on my bed. (Yes it is really "bed"rest....BJ won't let me be downstairs with the pups. They love to jump up on the couch and lay on us and he is not cool with that right now.) I look like a hot mess...definitely taking a shower tonight! Bedrest is not a glamorous thing...but I got cute pj bottoms!

Nothing to report on the embryo has only been one day. I am not even going to try to analyze symptoms....the endometrin kind of creates symptoms....and last time I swore up and down that I was having early pregnancy symptoms and we all know how that ended. So for now we are just kind of hanging out....hoping that BJ will let me come downstairs to watch Glee. Pretty please!

Monday, September 27, 2010

House Arrest - Day 1 I don't have an ankle bracelet like Lindsey but I am now confined to the house for the next few days.

Our transfer went very issues at all. The only "wrinkle" was that Dr. P said that we had an option to do assisting hatching. It is one thing that I know very little about in the IVF world. But he explained what the purpose is and after some thought and discussion...we decided to go for it. And of course it comes with its own little price tag....$750. We know now that we have done everything and anything to make this cycle a success. The reality is that this is likely our last attempt at IVF...given our track record of very few follicles that result in only one viable embryo at transfer time, we are just not sure about spending another $6600+ for one more cycle. We are not really ready to have to conversation about embryo adoption or any other options yet...we just need to get through this cycle first and take some time to grieve and make a decision about that next step.

But for now we are so very hopeful....basking in the possibility of becoming parents. I also snuck a picture of our little without further ado, I present embryo V!

Since it is a bit difficult to type on my laptop while lying flat on my back...I am cutting this short. Promise more updates as the days pass!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Fert Report #2

So our 2 embies has dropped to 1. I am sad but trying to remain hopeful that this 1 embie will bring us our much desired baby.

So our little rockstar is looking perfect. It is 4 cells and has no fragmentation. Dr. P is very happy with this and gave us the choice of a 2 day transfer or a 3 day transfer. He told us that he thinks going to to 3 would be fine given the state of the that is what we chose. Our transfer will be tomorrow at 1 pm.

Today I will be going to a baby shower for a friend. I know some people wonder why I would torture myself but really it is not. I need to occupy myself and keep myself distracted. I also need to get some stuff done around the house like paying bills and balancing our checkbook. Yes BJ could do it but it is my job....and he is putting me under house arrest starting tomorrow when we get home. I will be hanging out on our bed....laying flat on my back, reading a book or watching TV. The pups are not going to be allowed up there with overprotective hubby does not want them to have the opportunity to lay on my belly or accidentally jump on me. Already the doting father-to-be. I get off house arrest on Thursday night...just in time for Bunko! Yay! Anyone wanna come hang out?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Fert Report

All 3 fertilized normally but 1 stopped growing pretty early. The other two are split....1 is looking good and the other is on the fence. As Dr. P said "it could go either way". He will be calling me tomorrow morning and letting us know how those 2 look.

I am trying to remain optimistic but honestly it is hard. I keep remembering what happen with the last cycle. BJ is reminding that I cannot give up yet...and he's right. So now I wait.

Update Over The Last Couple Of Days

Sorry for not updating has been a bit of a roller coaster ride.

I ended up having to a second trigger shot on Thursday. My HCG blood draw was only 82....again they like to see it at 100. So when I got the call, I packed up my trigger meds, called BJ at work and headed over. At least he now has his own office and there was no risk of someone walking in. Silly me was wearing a dress...yep, had that pulled up to my waist!

So second trigger down and we were set for our 9 am retrieval. We got up bright and early...5 showered...let the pups out...BJ made himself a coffee (none for me since I was not allowed anything to eat or drink after midnight)...and we were on the road. About half way there, I realized that I had forgotten to bring my bag o' meds. I did not think too much of it though because last time I had very little pain. I just made sure to let Nurse D know that I did not bring anything with biggie, she could call my percocet into the pharmacy at Womack. So after a bit of a wait in the waiting room....they were busy with 4 ER's and several IUI's and ET's...we went back to get started. I got changed into my gown and lucky socks (I participated in a lucky sock exchange with an online message board that I frequent.) and headed into the holding room. The anesthesiologist went over my medical history and then started my IV. I cried a small bit but not as bad as the last time. Then it was time for ER.
My lucky socks!

I walked into the room and got all hooked up to the heart monitors, strapped into the stirups and they started the good meds....don't remember anything else after that! I woke up and the first thing I asked was "how many eggs?" and they told 5. I yelled "YES!" Dr. P popped his head in and said they had not scrubbed them down yet so he did not know how many were mature but he would find out shortly. Ms. G (one of Dr. P's nurses that help with the cycles) walked me to the recovery room and then got me banana bread and good! She went over my post-retrieval instructions and by the end of it Dr. P came back in to say that 3 were mature. I was thrilled. I know it is not that many eggs but it is 2 more than my first IVF cycle. He said they looked like nice strong eggs. So I got dressed and BJ came back. We then headed out...with a stop at CVS for some tylenol...I felt great and did not think I needed the percocet. We met up with Christa and her hubby for breakfast at Cracker Barrel...I was starving! After 2 1/2 hours driving home...I rested on the couch and BJ straightened up the house because they were coming to stay with us for the night.

I did get pretty uncomfortable last night and I did take some percocet before bed....and again at 3 am....but I doing good now. Just waiting for Dr. P to call with our fert report....please let all 3 fertilize normally!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Gulp - Taking One For The Team

Got the word! We are triggering tonight....and now my stomach is in knots. I am terrified.

We have 6 good looking follicles that Dr. P measured...biggest is 18 and the smallest is 14. He also saw for sure one other follicle that looks in the 15-16 range but it is being elbowed out of the way by my monster 18. There were also about 3-4 other smaller follies. My lining is okay at 10...I am going to drink up some POM juice between now and transfer...and I am still waiting on my e2 level and the exact trigger time.

Even though I am terrified of that trigger shot (umm, is an inch and half long needle!), I am very much relaxed and at peace with this cycle. I have had so much fun doing silly things over the last few days. More laughter and less tears this go-round! I thought about going to a taroh card readed but ended up not doing it....just not sure that I want to hear what they want to say to me. I am hopeful and excited that this is my cycle. I don't need anyone else to tell me what might happen in my life....well, except maybe my hubby....but hell he doesn't even know! I kind of like living in this blissful state of euphoria!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Not Triggering......Yet

So no trigger for tonight...I'm kind of bummed. We had hoped that we would trigger tonight and retrieve on Thursday because it would mean only 1 day off of work for BJ. Not that taking 2 is a huge deal but he is trying to get his oral surgery rotation done before his eye surgery. For the love of God...why does everything have to be complicated for us!

My ovaries are doing good though. Dr. P did my scan again today...which I don't mind but he does not always measure every single follicle. Yes this is a big change from IVF #1 when I was freaking out that Jen, the ultrasound tech, had "lost" a bunch of my follicles and that her measurements were not the same as Dr. P's. So anywho...back to my ovaries. Dr. P measured 6 follicles - 5 were 16's and 1 was a 10. He also saw at least one other on my left ovary but did not measure it because he could not get a clear view of it...without examining my tonsils along with it. So we stand at 6 with a possible 7. My e2 is 1408. Nurse D said I am doing fantastic.


We are not triggering tonight because they want me to stim one more day...try to get those follicles bumped up a bit more. So back to the dildo cam again tomorrow morning....ugh. I hate that thing.

Christa and I are still having fun though. She went with me this morning and we took Joan the Fertility Unicorn with us and had some fun taking her picture. And who is Joan you ask. She is a mascot for an online group of infertiles and she is even sprinkled with baby dust. Yesterday, we found her at Michael's and had to buy her so that she could bring us some luck...please enjoy!

We also made t-shirts to wear to retrieval and transfer...the things you do when you are out of town for an IVF cycle and bored out of your mind! And I did promise a picture of the IVF cake we made yesterday with G. So without further adieu....I present the great IVF cake!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Keep On Keepin' On

Follie check today...I am looking good. Dr. P did my scan again this morning and he only measured the ones that were close in size...all are between 14 & 16. He said I would definitely not trigger tonight but tomorrow is a possibility. Nurse D seemed very pleased with everything as then I just had to wait for my e2.

But before that....Christa and I had some errands to do. We were on a mission to find some sperm to decorate our IVF cake. Umm...yeah....we are having a little IVF party. The two of us and our infertility coach G! We never found any sperm decor but decided to just pipe icing on the cake to look like sperm. So than began the next mission...we needed shirts and things to iron on them. So off to Michael's and we were all set. Those will be our project for later tonight!

We headed over to G's house and proceeded to make our slight mishap but it turned out great. I will have to post pics tomorrow...after I get the one I have uploaded. We got to hang with G's babies...she has triplets courtesy of Dr. P....and they are ADORABLE!

Nurse D called in the middle of cake e2 is 1050. I go back tomorrow morning and she said we are 95% sure that we will trigger tomorrow night. Yay! For the record...the first IVF, at this point, I had 5 follies with an e2 of we are still rockin'!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Last Weekend...

Yep...that's right. The hope has creeped in again and I truly believe that this is/was my last weekend of drinking for the next 9 months. Not that I won't be attending all of these great events that happen here on base...but I really hope that I get to be the DD for awhile!

So Friday night we went to a fundraiser for the New River was a beer and wine tasting evening, along with silent auction. I only had about 1 glass of wine total...I pretty much stuck to water for the evening. (Didn't say this was my last weekend????) But the food was great and the company was awesome! We did not win anything at the auction but the OSC made a decent amount of money for their scholarships...which is fantastic!

Steph, Me and Karen enjoying the evening

Then last night was the first big event at the Officer's Club for the year....Casino Royale. The club was decked out with slot machines, craps tables, roulette, blackjack and Texas Hold 'Em. And they were giving away free champagne (had one of those) and t-shirts (forgot to get one of those). The big give-away for the evening...a three month test drive of a BMW. There were 3 of those to win and they went to the highest chip holders....we were not even close in our chip count. The top winner had well-over $150,000 in chips. Damn Texas Hold 'Em...they win every time! BJ and I played blackjack all night and had so much is easier to make big bets when you are playing with fake money!

BJ and me at Casino Royale

So today is lazy Sunday...with a splash of housework. I need to get some stuff done around here before ER/ET and I get relegated to the couch for a couple of days. We are having a BBQ at our house in 2 weeks for all the junior dental officers in BJ's battalion and lord knows we can't have people over without cleaning up. And when I say cleaning...I mean my OCD husband is currently steam cleaning our carpets upstairs....and will be moving onto our couch soon. Man, I love him!

Friday, September 17, 2010

New Look For The Blog....And A Follicle Check

So I was playing around with my blog...with some help from my IVF cycle buddy Christa. So what do you think?

So my follicle check....

I went it this morning for my 3rd follie check....and it was Dr. P doing my scan. He still measured 8 follicles but his measurements are slightly smaller than Jen's. Nurse D said that I should not worry about I am not. He did see at least one other follie but he did not measure it because as he put it "the other 8 look great". So I go back on Monday for my next should be a big day. Some think I may trigger that night...others (myself included) think I will trigger on Tuesday. BJ is hoping that it will be Tuesday so that I will retrieve on Thursday and our transfer will be Sunday...less work that he misses. So any guesses from anyone else?

Oh and check out my little sidebars from IVF #1 compared to this IVF numbers are so great! Third time is a charm!

We have a busy weekend ahead...of course, when I should be layin' low and resting. We have a wine and beer tasting night tonight and then tomorrow we are going to Casino Royale at the O'Club. It should be a lot of fun...last year it was sold out and people still talk about how much fun it was. Gambling, drinks and a cigar bar...what more could you ask for?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I've Got Some Rockin' Ovaries

Yep that's right! I have 8 follies...woo hoo! I could cartwheels...virtual ones of course, since we don't want to disturb them. They are currently in zen mode. My e2 is 167...which is great for now. So more stimming away and we go back on Friday!

So I am going to hang out here at Womack with a fellow IVFer (hi Christa!).

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Pics From The Boat Trip

Okay...I did promise and Karen sent them to here are the pictures of me doing my shot on the boat. Just a fair warning...I do not look pretty. It was warm out and the hair is very much windblown!

Monday, September 13, 2010

First Peek At The Ovaries

I had my first monitoring appointment this morning. As of right now, I have 5 follies (4 on the right and 1 on the left) and at least 3-4 that we did not measure. Woo hoo! I am very happy with this right now...and my e2 is 79....fantastic!

So we are just staying the same for now and go back on Wednesday for our next monitoring. We are off to a good start!

Hate to cut this short...but I have so much time and very little to do. Wait scratch that....reverse it. Busy, busy, busy.......

Sunday, September 12, 2010

You Know You Are An Experienced IVFer When....

You have no embarrassment of bringing your little insulated lunch tote with all your meds.

You will shoot up in the bathroom of the Officer's Club.

You will mix your meds on a boat...with your friends all watching...and 3 perfect strangers.

And then shoot yourself up out in the open with all these people watching.

Good times! I guess just proof that I will let nothing stop me from living my life while doing IVF. Somewhere, Karen has pictures of this process. Maybe I will get them and put them up here! hehehe

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Same Stims, Different Cycle

The self torture has begun. This never really gets easier....but it does get more familiar. I never thought I would get used to purposely shoving a needle into my body. Still has not really quelled my fear of needles....they freak me the fuck out. When this actually works (and it will!) I may be in for a rude awakening with all the needles that will be a part of my life. But I stand firm on my decision to not have an epidural...unless of course they need to do a c-section. (Although truth be told...I would rather just be knocked out with a general anesthetic.) My fear of needles far outweighs my fear of childbirth. Even the thought of a needle being shoved in my back causes my heart to race and me to break out in a sweat.

So this is how it has been for the last couple of days have gone....

I got the green light (or the red light as my darling husband has been calling it) from Nurse D on Wednesday to start my stims on Thursday. So we started with lupron...yes the evil lupron that causes headaches and makes me feel like shit....on Thursday. Then yesterday morning we added in our full stims. The first shot made me feel a bit queasy afterwards...that was a first. My second shot yesterday had to be done at the club....and because lupron has to be kept cold, I brought my meds in an insulated lunch bag. Complete with ice packs. How fun! So at just before 6 pm, into the ladies room I went. Spread out all my meds on the counter and proceeded to mix them up into my single shot. I was waiting for some unsuspecting lady to walk in and find me jabbing a needle into myself...ala IV drug user. That could have been very awkward...and I probably would have been the talk of the club. Scandalous!

So we are just stimming away and our first check is on Monday...the beginning of my busy week. I have that appointment and I am going to go hang out with a infertility success story friend. (She has triplets from an IVF cycle done with Dr P.) Tuesday is the welcome aboard for my navy spouse club....and since I am on the board I get to make something to bring and help set up. I think it is going to be good turn out and lots of fun to meet a bunch of new ladies (and hopefully guys!). Then a fun girl's night out in the evening...and back to Womack on Wednesday. I am going to hang out there for a couple of days with a fellow IVF excited to see her again!....and then back home for the weekend. We have two events over the weekend, one on Friday and one Saturday....and then back to Womack on Sunday. Whew!

Grow follies grow!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Oh Happy Day!

I never thought I would be so happy that my period started! It is light and literally just started about 15 minutes ago...but she is here at that is what I care about.

I have put a call into Nurse I am waiting to hear from her...and I hope that I get the green light to start stims. Please lord let this be the one!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Little Comments...Big Hurt

This is a tad long...but worth reading. I saw this on one of the infertility message boards that I go to regularly. Can you imagine hearing these things being told to someone in a wheelchair? People would be outraged...but yet it happens on a daily basis to infertile women (and men). And yes some of these things have been said to people that mean well but just don't understand how insensitive these comments can be. And all I can do most of the time is smile politely and nod....for if I tell them they are being insensitive, then I am the bitch. I become the one who is being overly sensitive. What if I asked you when you were planning to have sex with your husband? What if I went to your wedding and in the receiving line I asked if you were ovulating that night and were planning to get pregnant?

No amount of relaxing will open up my tubes or get my husband to make more, better quality sperm. I can go through all of these expensive treatments and still not have a baby. And while I adore children...I don't want yours....I want my own. I want to look at my baby and find my nose or my husband's smile. I want to compare our baby pictures to our little one and see who they look like more.

So please read through this and in your mind replace being a paraplegic with being an infertile. Have you said these things to someone you knew was struggling with infertility? Have you made some of these comments to someone without knowing anything about their desire to have a child? Have you started a casual conversation with another person and asked if they have children? (Ever thought that maybe they don't have children because they are struggling to conceive?) It all seems innocent until you take a moment to step into their shoes and take a walk around. Try to apply this to your own life and think about how you would feel if someone constantly reminded that you have failed to achieve your biggest goal.

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?

1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!

2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralysed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralysed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!

3. My cousin was paralysed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.

4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.

5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.

6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.

7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?

8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk – everywhere I go!

9. But don’t you *want* to walk?

10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.

11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.

12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.

13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.

14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?

15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.

16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.

17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.

18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.

19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.

20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.

21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.

22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!

23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!

24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.

25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!

26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!

27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…

So here’s a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant and it’s taking longer than expected, DON’T tell her to just relax. Don’t tell her to adopt and then surely she’ll get pregnant with her own child. Don’t tell her that God has a plan for her. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!”

Scheduling sex with the person you love isn’t fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn’t fun. Finding out every single month that – yet again – it didn’t work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.

DO tell her that you’re sorry she’s going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you’re glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don’t bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent.

And DON’T feel that because she told you that it’s okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever – unless she tells you that it’s okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity. The last thing your friend needs is to be at someone’s garage sale and get unsolicited advice from said secretary’s sister’s cousin’s dogwalker’s barista about how she and her husband just need to get really drunk one night and jump in the back seat of the car. Because she’s probably already tried that, too.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Waiting Out The Storm

Well, we are sitting here tonight...waiting and watching for Hurricane Earl to hit. Our exact area is not under any evacuations but some places very close to us have been evacuated. Our first hurricane....yay! So before we lose any electricity, I figured an update is in order...

I know this will be repetitive for some of you....apparently if I don't update the blog, I get phone calls asking what is going on! I feel so loved!

As of right now, we are on the schedule for the September cycle. However my body is not exactly cooperating with that schedule. I was supposed to get AF about 2 1/2 weeks ago...yes you read that correctly, I am 2 1/2 weeks late for my period. Now don't get all excited and tell me I might be pregnant....I'm me...I have had blood drawn. So Dr. P put me on has been 7 days and still nothing. Nurse D told me not to panic....yet. At this point we are going to try for a "natural" cycle...which means that I will not take those dreaded BCP's. Hells to the yeah! But that also means that I need to start AF hopefully by Saturday or Sunday...but I could go as long as Wednesday before they will cancel me from the cycle. So please send any and all AF vibes this way that she will make her appearance this weekend. That would be ideal.

So the plan....if AF does what she needs to do, I will go straight onto stims starting CD 2 with lupron and then the big guns start CD 3 with bravelle and menopur. Depending on what day she arrives, that will decide how much meds we will start with. We are very much in a holding pattern with lots of variables to consider....this is so my life! Good thing that I am pretty flexible...even for a chunky girl!

I do have one less stress though when it comes to this cycle. BJ moved his eye surgery. After many conversations and realizing that it would be bad for us both to be laid up at the same time, he decided that moving his surgery would be best and that means we won't have to freeze sperm. That's I will have that $200 to go buy a new purse. Oh what I didn't tell you? Yes my husband was trying to use the "it's only $200" as a reason to freeze his sperm. Guess what honey...that new coach purse that I want is "only $200"....if it is not that big of a deal than I think I have some shopping to do!

My mental state is relatively calm and hopeful...yes I said hopeful...right now. I really am hopeful that it will work this time. We will get to ER and ET. We will get pregnant. And we will be parents. What do you think of the name Earl? (Just kidding!)