Thursday, March 31, 2011

Good News And Bad News

It has been an interesting couple of weeks around here. I totally forgot to do my weekly update last Friday...and to be honest I am thinking of stopping it. Things are really not going to change much over the next 11 weeks until I actually have this baby. So I think instead of weekly updates I will just include a "how am I doing"in posts here and there. So as of right now...I am doing good. I am still on target with my weight gain. I weighed myself last Friday and I was +8 total...yesterday I weighed myself and I was at +6. My goal has always been about 20 lbs and it seems like I am target for that. Baby is moving around a ton and seems to like to stretch out. Ouch!

So my good news.....

I have officially passed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I do not have gestational diabetes! That is a huge relief for me. I did fail one of the blood draws but you have to fail at least 2 to be diagnosed with GD. Phew!

I also had my ultrasound to check on my low-lying placenta. It has moved! It was about 1 cm away from cervix at the anatomy scan (it needs to be at least 2 cm away) and now it is over 9 cm away. Yay! This means that I do not have to have a planned c-section. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This little girl is also weighing in at 3 lbs and 1 oz...right on track in the 63rd percentile.

She is also a stubborn little girl already. As with all of the previous u/s...she was very still in there. She literally turns into a statue and the only way you know she is okay is that you can see/hear her heart beating. The only move she made the whole time was to shake head back and forth like she was saying no when the u/s tech took a break for a minute and then started again. It made it very difficult to get pictures of her face and left us with some pretty craptastic pics. I am not even sure there are fit for public viewing! She and I are going to have a long talk when she gets here about how much she will be getting her picture taken. lol.

So onto the bad news....

We found out earlier this week that BJ will be deploying sometime in the fall. We don't have any specific dates nor will I will giving them out once we do know. But he will be playing in a giant sandbox for about 6-7 months. We knew this was coming so it is not a surprise by any means. He volunteered to go and I am so proud of him for doing that. He was giddy when he told me...although I know there is that part of him that is sad that he will miss seeing Maddie grow and change as an infant. The best part of it is that I have a great support system here. Our friends have been there/done that and have already said that they will be there to help us out no matter what. That is my favorite thing about being a military family! You have instant friends who know what you are going through. Even though our families will be there for us...they really don't know what it is like.

So he might get a deployment buddy as well. One of our friends might be deploying during the same the same place. I think that would be awesome for both of them to have a friend there that you can hang out with during down times and I will have that friend's wife to hang out with here. Another friend's husband is getting ready to deploy very soon as well and he will be over there during the same time...lots of friends going through all the same feelings.

So all in all...lots of exciting news and changes going on in our house over the next 6-12 months!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Weekly Update!

How Far Along: 27 weeks and 1 day! Hello 3rd trimester!
How Big is The Baby: According to most websites, she weighs about 2 lbs and is about 14-15 inches long.
Total Weight Gain: +7 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Yes...and I am missing some of my regular clothes!
Sleep: Pretty much the same...although I noticed in the last couple of days that I am back to waking up in the middle of the night to pee. Joy.
GENDER: It's a girl! And I hope it does not change because we have done lots of prep for a girl and I am not sure our son would enjoy a pink room. LOL!
Movement: Lots of movement going on now...and BJ is able to feel her move pretty regularly. So cool!
Food Cravings: Pretty much the same as before...
What I Miss: I was bummed to not be able to enjoy a Guinness on St. Paddy's Day....but I will get over it.
What I'm looking forward to: Follow up ultrasound is this coming week...this will also be a growth scan since I am measuring 3 weeks ahead.
Milestones: We have entered the 3rd trimester...only 13 weeks to go!
Symptoms: Still the same...pelvic bone hurts, I have heartburn. Yay!

Thursday, March 17, 2011


While we were out last night for our normal Wednesday night happy hour and dinner, we saw a friend (he is active duty) whose wife is currently working out of town. It got me to would our spouses who are active duty; and are normally the ones leaving us at home, do if the roles were reversed?

For my own personal situation...I think the hubby would do okay. While we have yet to go through an actual deployment, we have spent some time apart...not a lot but some. Really the longest we have gone without seeing each other was when he went to ODS. He was gone for 5 weeks...and to be honest, it went fast and (gasp!) I did not miss him too much. (Don't get me wrong...I did miss him but I was never distraught. Well except for when I got in an accident that totaled my car...2 days after he left...and then almost killed our dogs 2 days after that. Take those away and I was perfectly normal!)

So back to the hubby....

My husband is quite possibly every wife's dream. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, he does yardwork. If I was not here for more than a month I would come home to a clean house and he certainly would have made most of his own meals. As much as he loves me...he would be totally okay without me around for a period of time. Does that sound bad? Each of us could be perfectly fine by ourselves for well over a month....weird. But I do realize how lucky I am to have him as my husband. If it was not for him during this pregnancy, we would starve or be spending a crazy amount of money on take out. I am not a cook...never claimed to be....and well, he loves to cook. And no his meals do not just consist of mac and cheese or pb&j. He makes things like filets with grilled onions and blue cheese, chicken francese, veal marsala and let's not get me started on his risotto. Yum!

He is way more picky...some would say anal or obsessive...about how the house looks. Truly, I am a bit of a clean freak...I like things to be straightened up. But my wonderful hubby takes things to a whole new level. He literally cannot leave the house if it is messy. And when he gets on a roll (we refer to this a Hurricane BJ) really just have to get out of his way. I will honest...when he is in this mode...I stay out of the way. It makes me look really lazy but if I interfere he gets frustrated.

I relay this story frequently to our friends of the 2+ years that I did not vacuum.

We were spending part of a Saturday cleaning our tiny apartment and we were both working in different areas. I had finished what I was doing and pulled out the vacuum to start on that. He stopped dead in his tracks and asked what I was doing. I told him that I was getting ready to vacuum the carpets. He got really defensive and said that he was going to vacuum and told me not to do it. I looked at him with a puzzled look and we went back and forth for a minute about which one of us was going to vacuum. In the end I wound the cord back up and put the vacuum back...I then told him "that is the last time you will see me touch that vacuum." Technically I never did touch that particular vacuum ever again because by the time I did any other vacuuming...we had gotten a new one! And I have to say...he was completely okay with that. Now he latest thing is that he likes to mop the floors. I was going to do it one day and he said "no I am going to do it." I have learned to just throw my hands up and let him do it. Life is just easier that way.

So yeah...knowing all of that...I think if I were the one that deployed, he would be more than okay. Hell, I even think he could handle all of that and a infant! He is just awesome like that. :)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Can You Say Lots Of Driving?

I just got done adding up the milage for all my trips back and forth from Womack. For the record it is about 115 miles each way. Let me start by saying I spent a lot of time on the road. I know the way from here to Womack like the back of my hand. And I am forever indebted to Dr. P and Nurse D for helping to get me pregnant. If I had to do it all over again, I would.

So the grand total of miles traveled is...................

5060 miles!!!!

Holy smokes that is a lot of driving. That was 22 round trips there and back. I sure hope that will help us out on taxes...maybe adding that to our $14,000 worth of medical expenses will put us over the edge!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

You Are Kidding Right?

Okay quickly...because I forgot to update on Friday...I am still trucking along. I am up officially 6 pounds (7 by the OB's office). Maddie is moving like crazy now...and BJ got to feel her move! My OB appt was good and bad...I am doing great with weight gain and HBP but I am measuring 3 weeks ahead and the OB is concerned (going to get to that in a minute). My pubic bone is still hurting me but the brace helps somewhat. BJ and I took the pups for a walk last night and I wore the brace...I still was in pain but I can't imagine how much it would have hurt had I not been wearing it. So onto the big news....

Like I said, I measured 3 weeks ahead at my OB appt. Most of the time it would not be a huge red flag but with having done EDD is exact and not a guess. We know exactly how far along I am, there is no guessing. When Dr. E. looked back at all my ultrasound scans and never once has this little girl measured big. In fact at my anatomy scan she was measuring spot on! So what does all this mean? It is a indicator of gestational diabetes. Well...crap.

To be honest, I have at least 3 risk factors. I was overweight before getting pregnant, my mom is a Type 2 diabetic, and I am over 35. I am blaming myself a bit...I should have lost weight (and lots of it) before I started my IVF procedures. I wish we would have started sooner.

So here are the my appt last week (the one where I was measuring 3 weeks ahead) my OB said that she wanted me to get my glucose test done. Sooner rather than later were her exact words. As we were walking out of the exam room, she asked when I was going to get it done. I tentatively said "this week?"...she said "good." So on Thursday, I had some time to kill in the afternoon so I decided to run up to the hospital and do it. I was not thrilled by any means...I mean really it is voluntarily getting stuck with a needle. We all know that I am not a fan. At all.

So I drank my lovely glucola (yum orange flavor...notice the sarcasm here.) and waited my required hour. When the time was up I got my blood drawn...and yes I cried like a baby. As soon as my behind got in that chair. And to make it oh so much better...there were about 8 corpsmen watching me cry like a baby. Fabulous.

I was going to just wait it out until my OB called with the results by a friend of ours said the results should be available with a day or so. So I called yesterday to get the results and the nurse willingly provided them to me. My level came back at 140. Now prior to getting these results I (of course) googled GD. It seemed that some cutoffs were 130 or 135 but most seemed to be around 140. So when I heard that number I knew it was not good. So I asked to leave a message for my doctor.

Yesterday evening I got the call from Dr. E. and she confirmed that the cutoff at Navy Hospital is 140...and I am right at that cusp. She decided that since I am measuring big and my number is so close...she wants me to do the 3 hour test. This involves fasting the night before and then going to the lab first thing in the morning. I get 4 blood draws and have to stay there the entire 3 hours. Great. This lab is going to never want to see me again. Oh and in case you were wondering...they cannot just do a heplock IV line and draw from there.

I hate needles.

On a positive note...Dr. E. does not want this test done until I am at least 28 I have about a 2 week reprieve. Phew! Although that gives me 2 weeks to stress about it.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Time For The Weekly Update

It's Friday and it's weekly update time! I have had quite the week when it comes to pain. I was finally able to get in with my OB yesterday and after lots of q&a and a brief exam, she told me I have pelvic symphsis separation. All I can say about it is OUCH! There is not much they can do other than me giving birth. Um...yea...don't want to do that for another 13-15 weeks. So anywho, it is is what it is and I will figure out a way to get through it. I can do this right?

How Far Along:
25 weeks today
How Big is The Baby: She is weighing about 1 3/4 lbs...and she has gained about an inch in length.
Total Weight Gain: +5 pounds
Maternity Clothes: yep! And a pregnancy support belt ;)
Sleep: Actually it has been better this week...I bought a special pillow that is supposed to help!
GENDER: It's a girl!
Movement: Lots more movement this week, but she still goes completely motionless when BJ puts his hand on my belly. He likes to think that she just loves her daddy already and does not want to kick him. lol
Food Cravings: Cheeseburgers! OMG I could eat one every day.
What I Miss: I am missing my regular the weather is getting warmer around here, I see my normal clothes hanging in my closet and I am kind of bummed to not be able to wear them.
What I'm looking forward to: I have my next OB early in the week...yay! We also have a busy month of March with all kinds of social tasting (aka food tasting for me), basket bingo, St. Pat's party and a couple of others!
Milestones: No big milestones this week.
Symptoms:I have been official diagnosised with pelvic symphysis separation...not fun and not much to be done to help it.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I Want Another Baby

...not one to replace this precious girl that is growing inside of me right now but a sibling for her.

I have struggled with this feeling since our ET. We only had our one little Nemo to put back. The chances that we would have more than one baby from that one embryo was very slim. Hell the chance that I would actually get pregnant was extremely slim. So why I am not just happy with that? I mean I am...but I'm not.

I feel sad that Madison will grow up as an only child. She will never know what her dad and I had with our siblings. Will she resent us? Will she blame me for not having a brother or sister? The answers to those questions terrify me.

My sadness turns to jealousy though. I am jealous of those that were able to put 2 or 3 embryos back and are now pregnant with more than one baby. I am jealous of those that have frozen embryos to use in the future. I am jealous of those that are younger and have years of chances to have more children. I am jealous of those that get pregnant so easily.

My reality is that I am 38 years old...not sure if I have ever given my exact age here...and time is slipping away from me. My husband is not really on board with doing more IVF's to have a second child. Mainly because of how difficult it was to get here...I just don't produce many eggs and out of 3 (well kind of 2 1/2) cycles we only had 8 eggs retrieved and only 2 embryos that made it to transfer. Not very good odds at all. And by the time I get to the point where we are ready to go through another IVF cycle, I will be at least 39. Let's get real...there is no way that I will try to get pregnant before Madison turns 1. Even if I did it a bit certainly would not be before she is 6 months old. This makes me sad.

I wish all the time that we had more than our 1 embryo to put back. Of course that doesn't mean I would be pregnant with is all just a crap shoot. But we would have had a chance. There are times that it is so hard to hear about those that are having twins...I am jealous. And don't even get me started about finding out that they are having a boy and a girl. That crushes me.

I wish that we had frozen embryos to use later on. I have none. I was lucky that we had 1 embryo even make it to transfer and that it stuck. I would give my left arm to have even just 1 embryo waiting for me on ice. But nothing. Nada. Zip. And to be honest this one pisses me off. Not at anyone in particular but at myself. Why couldn't my body produce tons of eggs? Why is that someone else, on a lesser amount of stims ends up with 20-something eggs? And out of that number they have double digit embryos to choose from and they are still woe-is-me? Fuck them.

Um...that was nasty...sorry.

I hate that I am 38 and my fertility is crappy. I wish I could go back in time. Back to when I had years of possible fertility ahead of me. I want to be able to have this baby and try for another one in a couple of years. Hell I would do it even at this age if my chances were better. But they are not. And I am never going to be young again.

I try really hard to not dwell on things that I have no control over. I know that I should feel very blessed to have this one beautiful little girl in my life. I am. I really am. I just love her so much already that I want to have another one.