Monday, March 15, 2010

It Is All A Numbers Game

I have waited all day to write this post. I am trying to muster all my positive vibes that I can.

We now have 5 follies...that is down from 9 on Friday. To say the least...I was pretty upset this morning. I cried at the hospital when I was handed my chart after the ultrasound. I looked at the print out and counted. Only 5 follicles were measured. The largest one is 14mm, then I have 3 that are 12mm and finally one at 10mm. I was so devastated because Nurse D had prepped us ahead of time that Dr. P will not go to ER with less than 6 follicles. It is mainly to protect patients from shelling out all that money for a poor result. While I am thankful that they try to prevent their patients from unnecessary costs...I am utterly pissed off. I am mad that my body is not cooperating.

As I sat and cried...Nurse D went to get Dr. P. He came in and had a heart to heart with me. I really like that he does not bullshit me. He is straight forward and tells it like it is. The breakdown is this:
-I am not out...yet. He wants to see my estradiol level around 700 today.
-He will take me to ER with my 5 follies (based on estradiol level being good).
-If not able to do ER...we can cycle again possibly as soon as late April/early May. This is the cycle we were supposed to be in.
So I left the hospital feeling very bummed out and scared that this was going to be the end of the road for us. I came back to Fisher House and just vegged out, watching crap TV and pretty much being a bum. I spoke to a good friend and she told me to keep my chin up, think positive. It was a much needed conversation and lasted a good hour and a half...thanks Aimee! It was not all IVF related and she caught me up on all the latest going-on's at the office. (Aimee and I worked together in PA...I miss her!) After that I decided I needed to go for a ride...ended up at Target. After a little retail therapy...I made it back to Fisher House.

Then I got the phone call. Nurse D called to tell me that my estradiol is 624...not quite 700 but close enough for Dr. P. I am going to keep stimming and get rechecked on Wednesday. Dr. P is going to be doing my scan...I am so happy about this since we are in this grey area of whether or not to trigger. Not that I don't trust the ultrasound tech but I don't trust the ultrasound tech. She is very nice but she is driving me straight to crazy with all this 9,8,9,5 stuff. And today she spent a total of 30 seconds doing my scan...she seemed rushed and hurried. I know I am one of twenty something patients to her but for me this is pretty much the only thing going on in my life. I have no other kids to care for...hubby is holding down the fort at home...nothing to think about except getting pregnant. So Wednesday is our do or die day...make it or break it. If we are to continue with this cycle, I have to trigger by Wednesday night for a Friday ER. We are limited because of the schedule of the anesthesiologist.

So I am asking for any and all thoughts, prayers, positive vibes, good juju, penguin vibes...and whatever else you can think of...for our little follies to grow nice and big (but not too big!) by Wednesday morning.

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