Wednesday, August 4, 2010

IVF #2 canceled

Today is not a happy day. I went in for my second monitoring appt and at this point they only see 4 measurable follies...and 1 of those is that stupid lead follie. The U/S tech saw no other small follies on the right ovary. Stupid ovary.

So with that news, Nurse D said we were looking at canceling this cycle. I am so sad. I had finally gotten to the point where I was getting excited and hopeful and now it is over. I hate this.

But mostly I am sad for BJ. I want him to be able to be a dad. I want him to have those first time dad moments. I feel like my body is failing me. It is my fault that this is not working. I love him with every fiber of my being but I cannot help but think he should be married to someone who can give him children. I have failed as a wife. I cannot fulfill my husband's wish to be a father. And of course when I was bawling my eyes out to him and told him all of this...he was the greatest husband ever. He told me that he only wants to be married to me and we will keep trying. And if it never happens then we still have each other. He is the best. I love him.

So for now...I am going to chill for the afternoon and then it is time for happy hour. I am going to have a drink or five. And I don't care.

3 comments:

Melis.sa said...

((HUGS))

Enjoy the drinks.

I'm sorry about the cycle.

Danielle said...

I just discovered your blog. I am so so sorry. I just had IVF #2 canceled about a month ago for the exact same reasons. It just totally stinks. And I understand how you are feeling. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts...

Lesli said...

Hi Susanne!!! I just re-discovered your blog and spent my lunch break catching up with what's going on with you. Wow...I'm so so so sorry to hear about all these IF issues. :( I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We miss you here in PA. I haven't really been on the nest in awhile...rarely post anymore. Take care of yourself and I'm thinking of ya!