Feeding Miss Madison

I thought I would write about how I am choosing to feed my now 8 month old. I am sure some people think I have lost my damn mind. And others are going sit there with their mouths hanging open in absolute disbelief.

First things first...I purposely chose to wait until Madison was 6 months old before starting any solid food. Our pediatrician had suggested that we start cereal at 4 months and I told him "um...no". I had done some research and many of the new recommendations are to wait until 6 months because that is when a baby's digestive tract becomes mature enough for food. So in all this research I happened upon a school-of-thought (Baby Led Weaning or BLW). I read and read and read some more until I knew that it was definitely how I wanted to handle food with Madison. The basic gist is that you offer healthy food...usually whatever you are having...and let your baby feed themselves. No jar food...no mushy baby cereal. So we were off....

Madison's first food was bananas. She was not really sure what she was supposed to do and boy were they slippery! But she did try to put some in her mouth. It was awesome to see my tiny little girl eat big people food. Just a couple of days later we went back to the pedi...and he was really pushing at least some baby cereal because of the extra iron. And while most babies do not need the extra iron...that is not the case with preemies. They kind of miss out on all the benefits of the 3rd trimester and end of pregnancy when thy get all the minerals and whatnot. So I decided to give her baby oatmeal in the mornings. But I was going to do it my way. We mixed about 1/2 a jar of pureed fruits in with the cereal and kept it on the thicker side. Of course I used a spoon but I let her help if she wanted to. This means that she gets oatmeal everywhere. LOL!

This has evolved into a combination of both feeding worlds. We still do some BLW...mostly at lunch and dinner...but we also use jar baby food. I am pretty laidback about what Madison eats. I let her try just about anything with a few exceptions. And for the most part there is almost nothing she does not like...so far carrots have been the only no go. She has had Indian food, Chinese food and even enchiladas! She loves flavor and a little spice. If something is bland she will spit it out. She truly is our daughter because we love food!

Resolutions For The New Year

I know everyone (or at least it seems like everyone) has posted about their resolutions for 2012. And I am late once again. Figures.

I really only have 2...and they are both basically the same or at least related.

1. I am going to keep up with this blog. Even if it kills me. Even if not a soul reads it. No more 3 month gaps. Hopefully not even a week gap. My goal is to write at least every other day.
2. Starting on my birthday (January 20th) I am going to do a 365 project. Or in the case of this year...366. So that means a picture a day. I will try not to make every single one Madison. Key word is "try". ;-)

I also have some goals for the year. I can't really call them resolutions because they aren't.

1. Take a photography class
2. Either find a full time job or start my own temp business for dental assistants (now that my mom is moving in with us, she can watch Maddie while I work, and I kind of miss working, shocking I know!)
3. Give Madison a baby brother or sister

Yep that's right. I am going to learn how to take pictures!

Just kidding. Yes we are going to do IVF one more time. We thought that having one child would be okay...and it is...but we really want her to have a sibling. BJ and I are so close to our siblings and we both really want that for Madison. So I have sort of started the process. I stopped breastfeeding so that I could give my body a chance to go back to normal. I was one of the lucky ones that did not get a post-partum period while breastfeeding. Can I say how amazing it was to go 14 months without a period?

So anywho, I stopped when Madison turned 6 months. At that point I had over 2200 ounces of frozen breastmilk (BM) in the freezer and I figured that would last 3 months. And since I did not take any frozen BM with me for either trip and I use formula while we are out and about and when she goes to daycare....I still have over 1700 ounces in my stockpile! I am really am proud of myself for accomplishing that. It was a lot of hard work.

But back to the IVF...so in mid-December I went back to Dr. P and had new blood work done and a new saline sonogram. We also talked about how we would do things. Basically we are going to try and mimic my cycle that got us Maddie. We are going to attempt a natural start cycle. But I will still take BCP...I will just come off them a month early. Everything else will be the same...lupron, bravelle and menopur...pom juice.

The interesting part will be the timing. Stims will start the end of April and ER will be sometime between May 7-11. For those keeping track of dates...that would be right after Madison's first birthday. Which means I have to plan, set-up and host a birthday party while not being able to lift anything over 5 lbs. Ha! Oh and Madison's baptism. Bring it on!

So here is a picture to keep ya happy! (Otherwise know as me showing off my adorable daughter!)


Oh and one of my new favorites!

New Year...Trying To Be A Better Blogger

I have been Busy...with a capital B!

I went to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. It was a very short trip...not that it was supposed to be but well sometimes things don't go as planned. It is what it is.

So anywho...we got home and dove in head first to all the busyness that leads up to Christmas. Lots of baking...lots of parties...lots of shopping. And for us...lots of packing! We left in mid December for a 2 week trip to Seattle to visit my family. It was crazy and hectic but so much fun to see everyone. So here is a recap and some travel tips for those that may be looking at traveling with their baby.

First and foremost...the actual booking of the airfare. I had several options of where I was going to fly out of...Raleigh, Wilmington or Jacksonville. They all had pros and cons but ultimately I decided to go with Jacksonville because regardless of price it was the closest and would be the easiest for us to get to without making Madison mad. So once I decided that I had to decide what time to do the flights. For us, it made the most sense to choose the latest flight possible. I wanted to try and do the bulk of the flying during a time that Madison would be tired and wanting to sleep. So our flight left J-ville at 4ish pm and then we flew to Charlotte and that flight left around 6:30 pm. Madison did really good overall. She did have a melt down on the first flight but it only lasted at the most 10 minutes and then she fell asleep. I think it was because the cabin kept pressurizing (is that a real description??). My ears kept popping so I am sure hers were not feeling good. Poor baby. :( The flight from Charlotte to Seattle was 5 1/2 hours and she slept for about 3 1/2 of those at least. And no melt downs. Yay!

**flying tip** I brought with me a large suitcase that I checked. For a 2 week trip it is (in my opinion) impossible to not check a bag. There was no way that I would have been able to pack just Madison's stuff in a single carry-on let alone my stuff too. So suck it up and realize that this is the new normal until you have to buy them their own seat. Oh and speaking of seats...if I could do it all over again....I would have bought Madison her own seat. Maybe I would have been able to actually sleep on the flights myself instead of trying to keep my arms from going numb.

So we got to Seattle and my mom met me at baggage claim. Thanks Mom! I highly recommend that if you are traveling by yourself with your baby, try to have someone at your destination meet you at the airport to help you. I rented a car and without my mom there was no way...even with a luggage cart...that I was going to get me, Madison and all of our luggage up the elevator, across the sky bridge and down the elevator and across the road to get the shuttle to the offsite car rental place. I am exhausted just typing that out! We got settled with our rental car...a Chrysler Town and Country, yeah baby!...and got to my mom's. We pretty much went right to bed. I was hoping that Madison would transition fairly easily to the time change but that was not the case. She was awake at 4:30 am...which would have been 7:30. In the end it took about 3-4 days for her to get on track with the time. What finally worked (I think?) was that when she woke up early, instead of giving her a bottle, I laid her in bed with me and she fell asleep again. I think she finally got it after a couple of morning of this.

During our trip to Seattle, we also did a side trip to Boise to visit my brother, sister-in-law and nieces. It was so awesome to see Madison with her cousins! I hope we can continue to get all these girls together so they become close. Madison did great for both the flight there and back. On a bit of a weird note...we flew Southwest and they do not do assigned seating, you pick your seat. So when I got on the plane, I looked for an open aisle seat and found one quickly next to nice looking middle age couple. We talked most of the flight and the wife was babbling with Madison...who smiled and giggled at her! So 3 days later on our return flight, imagine my surprise when I am again searching for an aisle seat and there they are again! I sat next to them again and the 3 of us enjoyed a glass of wine. Too funny!

We also celebrated my grandfather's 87th birthday. It was awesome to see a lot of my aunts and uncles and for them to meet Madison for the first time. But I definitely missed my hubby! It was my first visit to Seattle in many years without having him with me. And not having him with us for Christmas was hard...but we did skype and that made up for it a little. Kind of. But we did have a nice Christmas with my mom and brother and Madison loved tearing up the paper.

Our visit came to an end and it was time to head home. For the flight home I did a red-eye. Again trying to bank on the fact that Madison would be tired and want to sleep. We got checked in around 10:30 pm for our 12:45 am flight...mainly because I needed to get the rental back by 10 pm. We went to the USO...but we did not stay long. It was super crowded and there was literally nowhere to sit. In order to give Madison a bottle I had to sit on a kids chair in the family room. One family was taking up 2 couches...grrr! So I said screw it and we went to our gate. The flight was great and we even had a row with an extra seat so I could lay Madison down on it to sleep. Not that I slept because I was too worried about her rolling off!

We got home and settled in for the rest of the day. Madison fell back into east coast time very easily. Literally one day was all she needed. So it has been almost a week and I am still trying to get things organized from the trip. I'll get there....eventually.

So the travel tips...
- book flights during a time that your child would normally sleep.
- bring gear that you know you will use - I brought my B-Ready. It is huge but I did not mind because I had lots of space to stow the baby carrier, diaper bag and my coat. I could have brought my umbrella stroller but it would have been harder to stow everything I had with me. I also brought my floppy seat because I knew I would be doing some shopping and I am one of those that does not like putting my child in the shopping cart without it.
- buy your child their own seat
- get bags for your carseat and stroller - Even though it was a total pain in the ass to cram my carseat into the bag, I glad I did. It protected my expensive carseat from potential damage. I also got a gate check bag for my stroller. While I am glad I got it and used it...my stroller still got damaged. In fact I had to call Britax and they ended up 2 day shipping me a new frame for my stroller.
- try not to stress about meltdowns on the plane, as long as your are trying to comfort them people will understand

I know I sound crazy but I am actually looking forward to our next trip. I have no idea where or when that will be but for sure it will be with BJ!

I Am A Terrible Blogger.

Really terrible.

Maybe it is because I am now trying to keep up with a baby. And I am sure it does not help that as of right now I am doing it alone.

I am blessed that Madison is sleeping through the night but when I get her into bed...anywhere from 7pm to 8pm...then it is time to straighten up the chaos that has happened from the day. And after an hour of that, I am d.o.n.e.! But I would not change this predicament for anything in the world. I love my little distraction more than words can ever explain.

She is getting to a really fun age now. Past the tiny baby stage where all they do is cry and sleep and poop and give you an occasional smile that could be totally related to gas. I can say her name and she looks right at me and gets this big grin. She has discovered toys and loves anything that makes noise or music. She truly melts my heart in a way that only a child could.

So we have been pretty busy. Lots of meetings for me which means that Maddie goes to drop-in daycare. The ladies love her there and she seems to like it too. We have gotten to skype a lot with Daddy which is awesome. He may not be here but I feel like he is not missing too much of her life. And he still gets to help us out with things like searching for a good car rental deal for our trip to Seattle. I love that man!

Back In The Saddle

Wow, I can't believe it has been 3 months since I last wrote on this blog! It has been a quick, rough, stressful, amazing time...crazy how such a little baby can change your life so much.

So where to start.....

Madison has been growing like a weed. She is currently 13 1/2 lbs! She has gained 8 lbs in just 3 short months...so hard to believe! She is smiling a ton and just in the last couple of days she has started giggling. So cute!

We took our first family road trip to Pennsylvania to visit family. Maddie did great! We left on Thursday around 7 pm....we had fed her around 6 and then got her into the car. My goal was to at least make it to 9 pm before stopping to feed her. Well little Miss Madison had her own plan...she slept until 11 pm! We got her fed and then back on the road...next stop was at 3 am and then 6 am. We got to BJ's parent's house around 7 am. We had a great visit and the weekend went very quickly.

Our big news is that BJ is now officially deployed. My emotions are all over the place right now but I think as I get used to my new normal things will settle down.

Here are some pics to keep ya happy!

1 month old

2 months old


3 months old

Saying goodbye to Daddy

Madison Claire's Birth Story

I know I left you all hanging...it has been quite the week and a half. Spending a week in the hospital is tiring. I have no idea how they expect a person to get rest when they are constantly fussing over you! So anywho...here is the story of Maddie's birth.

So you already know that my water had broken at 33 weeks 4 days and that the doctors were able to stop my labor successfully and they were getting ready to induce me. So we will start there....

I got to eat breakfast that morning...and even though it was hospital food, it tasted so good. I ate every bit of food...hell I had thought about sending BJ to McD's to get me more! I knew it would be my last meal for awhile. I went with my better judgement and refrained from the McD's...my belly really was full and I had the thought that I may get sick during labor and that would not be good.

So finally it was time to move from antepartum to L&D. I walked there...which was a big deal since the only walking I was allowed at that point was from my bed to my bathroom. We got settled in and hooked up to the monitors. The doctor came in and we talked about the game plan. He was going to start the pitocin out small and go up every 30 minutes. This freaked me out but I put my trust in the doctors that they know how this med works and if it was too much they would hold the pitocin at that level or back it down a little. I kept saying to anyone who would listen that I intended to go med-free and that it was important to me. One of the nurses actually laughed and said "hardly anyone in this hospital goes natural...pretty much all of our patients get an epidural." I have to admit...this pissed me off a little and when everyone left I told BJ that I was serious about not having an epidural and that he needed to be strong for me and talk me through the rough part once we got there. Mind you...he did not make it to our first lamaze class and of course has never been present for a birth...he had no clue about what was about to happen. lol.

BJ and me right before the start of everything!

At around 12:00pm, they started the pitocin. Within about 45 minutes, I started having regular contractions...nothing awful, I was able to talk through them and sent BJ to get some lunch for himself. I was hungry. For the record...he brought back to the room a soda and a bag of M&M's and a package of Reese's PB Cups. I gave him a hard time and told him he was mean. I so wanted those PB Cups! So I spent the afternoon watching TV...all the baby shows on TLC!...and the contractions kept getting more intense as the hours passed but still nothing that I couldn't handle.

The doctor came in around 4 pm and checked me. I was 3 cm and that ticked me off! 4 freaking hours of pitocin and I had not changed a bit! Ugh! So they kept upping my pitocin...and my wonderful husband took a nap! Yes that's right...while I was dealing with contractions and getting ready to give birth to his first child...he took a nap. Complete with snoring! I was so mad but I knew he had not been sleeping well in the hospital with me. The bed that was provided is not exactly comfortable...hell the actual patient beds are not really comfy. You would think they would have the most comfortable beds ever so that the patients could get a good night's sleep but nope.

So anywho...the contractions definitely picked up and I was no longer able to talk through them. I called the nurse and asked for an exercise ball...she found me one. It was the best decision that I had made all day! I used the ball for a good 2 hours straight...I would sway back and forth during contractions and then resting in between. The nurse brought a popcicle...it was the best damn popcicle ever. And I mean ever. But what I really wanted was a cheeseburger. Damn it I was hungry!

Around 7:00pm, I was starting to get really uncomfortable so I kept changing positions...ball, standing, lying in the bed. Rinse and repeat.

At 8:15pm I had the nurse check me again. It had been 4 hours since my last check...which they were not doing a whole lot since my membranes had been ruptured since Tuesday morning. We were trying avoid infections as much as possible. I remembered what the lamaze instructor had said during the one and only class I attended and all the books I had read...I should progress at 1 cm per hour. I expected to be at least 7 cm by now...I was for sure in labor and things were getting intense. In fact at around 7 pm...BJ had asked me if this had all been normal when I would have gone to the hospital. I told me at that point I would have said let's go.

So back to my cervical check...the nurse checked me and I was at 4 cm. Yep...that's right 4 fucking centimeters! I was so angry at my body. It could not do anything right at that point. How could I be having this much pain and be at 4 cm. My attitude at that point was fuck my life. I got through a few more contractions and told BJ that I was done. I could not do this anymore. I was giving up. He asked me at one point what he could do for me. I told him to stop the pitocin, take out my IV and let's go home. I was not ready and it was too early for her to come. He told me he could not do that. I did not like him very much at that point.

Around 8:40pm I asked the nurse what my pain relief options were at that point. She said epidural (of course) or IV meds. After some discussion I decided to do some staidol. Around 8:45pm she administered the med and it definitely did it's job...I was able to sleep/relax/rest between contractions but still had to go through the actual contractions. BJ said I would pass out inbetween and then during each contraction I would wake up and say it hurt. During one contraction (one of the last before she was born) I told him I was for sure done and wanted the epidural. He told me I could do this and just breathe....and I said nope, no more. Around 9:00pm I had made my mind up...I was done with this whole labor thing and I wanted to be out of pain. I wanted the epidural. The nurse left the room to call the nurse anesthestist.

At exactly 9:04pm, I started another contraction...this time I woke up and told BJ that I needed to pee. Throughout the whold labor process I had been able to use the bathroom whenever I needed to so this was a valid request. But I followed that statement up very quickly that I needed to push. BJ freaked. He hit the nurse call button and told her that I was saying I needed to push. She came running in the check me. I was complete (10 cm dialated) and the baby's head was at +2 station...basically just about to come out. She had BJ hit the call button (as her hands were busy holding the baby's head inside me) and got the rest of the doctors in there.

They also paged the NICU team (and as I was told by the NICU nurse a few days later) and told them to come up but they could walk. About 30 seconds later they paged again and said run!

The doctor gave me the okay to push. Two pushes and she was out! Madison Claire was born at 9:09pm...healthy and crying. That was music to our ears since she was 6 weeks early and meant(at least initially) that her lungs were mature and she would not need a whole lot of respiratory assistance. The NICU team did an initial assessment...her Apgar's were 9, 9....can't get much better than that! With in a few minutes they had wrapped her up and quickly gave me a peek at her and then whisked her up to the NICU. BJ went with her...he looked very torn though. I knew he wanted to be there with me but also wanted to go to the NICU with her. I told him to go with her.She is here!

It then took 30-45 minutes to get the placenta delivered. That was so much rougher than giving birth to Maddie. The doctor had to literally put her hand up there and scrap it from the side of my uterus. Apparently it had not received the message that this pregnancy was over! But it did come out and it was intact. They also assesed me and there were no tears! Yay! I got up as soon as they would let me and used the bathroom. A little over an hour after I had her...they moved me back to antepartum. I actually walked on my own! I think I was trying to prove that I was totally okay so that I could go down to the NICU and see my beautiful daughter.

I sent my husband out to McD's for food...they had offered me a dinner but honestly it did not look good to me. I wanted a cheeseburger...and fries. So I ate as quickly as possible and we headed down to the NICU so I sould see my daughter.

She was amazing and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. BJ had to force me to leave after an hour so that I could get some rest. I could have sat in the rocking chair all night with her. It was instant love and I could no longer imagine my life without her in it. So with out further ado...here is my most precious gift.

This was taken about 3 hours after she was born. Not to brag on myself but I look pretty damn good!

Maybe A Baby Today?

No Cinco de Mayo baby girl for us. It is 7 am and still no contractions that mean anything.

The doctor has come in and we have our plan. I love me a plan. In fact I love to have several plans. I am a planner! So here it is...

I am hanging out in the antepartum unit for at least another hour. I get to eat breakfast! Yes!!!! Then we are moving over to L&D. I will get a cervical check and we will then start pitocin. And that is the part that starts to freak me out. I am terrified of pitocin.

I have heard so many horror stories about pitocin and how awful the contractions can be. One of the OBs said at one point "oh it's not a big deal...we can just get you an epidural". Umm...I am trying to avoid that. And of course that sent me into panic...are they just going to do things regardless of what I want?

I had a birth plan before all this happened. And that is now thrown out the window. I wanted to go into labor naturally (hey I did that!!!) and I did not want any meds. I knew I could do it...I had confidence in my body. Until hell broke loose....now I am struggling with the fact that my body is not doing things the way it should be. I should not be having my baby at 34 weeks. My water should not be broken. I should not be confined to a hospital bed.

I am afraid for the potential health of our little girl. Things could be great...but then on the other hand they could be bad. We have been briefed by the neonatologist and have watched a DVD tour of the NICU. I feel confident about them and the unit and the care that Madison will receive. But I am still scared.