No Cinco de Mayo baby girl for us. It is 7 am and still no contractions that mean anything.
The doctor has come in and we have our plan. I love me a plan. In fact I love to have several plans. I am a planner! So here it is...
I am hanging out in the antepartum unit for at least another hour. I get to eat breakfast! Yes!!!! Then we are moving over to L&D. I will get a cervical check and we will then start pitocin. And that is the part that starts to freak me out. I am terrified of pitocin.
I have heard so many horror stories about pitocin and how awful the contractions can be. One of the OBs said at one point "oh it's not a big deal...we can just get you an epidural". Umm...I am trying to avoid that. And of course that sent me into panic...are they just going to do things regardless of what I want?
I had a birth plan before all this happened. And that is now thrown out the window. I wanted to go into labor naturally (hey I did that!!!) and I did not want any meds. I knew I could do it...I had confidence in my body. Until hell broke loose....now I am struggling with the fact that my body is not doing things the way it should be. I should not be having my baby at 34 weeks. My water should not be broken. I should not be confined to a hospital bed.
I am afraid for the potential health of our little girl. Things could be great...but then on the other hand they could be bad. We have been briefed by the neonatologist and have watched a DVD tour of the NICU. I feel confident about them and the unit and the care that Madison will receive. But I am still scared.
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