Day 1 of shots is done...tomorrow starts the big guns. All of those same feelings are surfacing again...but yet they are different. I have Madison...that makes failure a little less painful. If we fail, my family will not feel complete but I will know that we tried and it is time to move on.
But I need to let hope live...I need to push the scary feelings away and focus on hope. Today I will hope!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Having A Baby = Becoming A Bad Blogger
Wow...has it really been over 3 months since my last blog post???
This parenting thing kind of keeps you busy! Don't get me wrong...I love it! I love having my little sidekick...a little one who likes to play and keep me on my toes. She is into everything now...and I mean everything! Nothing is safe...unless it is several feet off the ground. She has 11 billion toys but only wants to play with the stuff she can't have. She is stubborn and precious at the same time!
BJ is home...yay! And we are adjusting to being all together again. Madison took about 3 weeks before she really warmed up to him. She is in that awful I-only-want-my-mommy phase right now. Couple that with daddy being a stranger and that makes one miserable little girl. But she has accepted the fact that he is here and he can do all the same things as mommy. Thank goodness!
We are gearing up for another IVF cycle. I know I said long ago that the cycle that brought us Madison was our last cycle but we made the decision to give it one more try. I struggled with the idea of Madison being an only child and while she is the light of my life...I feel incomplete. Like part of my family is missing. The ball is already rolling...kind of. I spent about 2 months on BCPs and recently stopped them to get my own cycles synced up with the RE's planned cycle. If all goes the way it should...my first injection will be around April 26th. We are shooting for ER between May 7th and May 11th. Some of you may have noticed that this would coincide with Madison's 1st birthday. Yep I will be hosting her party and going through a cycle all at the same time. Oh and we will be having her baptism during that time too. Oy vey! (I may have lost my mind!)
So hopefully that brings you up to speed and I will be able to keep up with this blog again. I am going to try blogging while Madison is taking naps. Keyword = try.
This parenting thing kind of keeps you busy! Don't get me wrong...I love it! I love having my little sidekick...a little one who likes to play and keep me on my toes. She is into everything now...and I mean everything! Nothing is safe...unless it is several feet off the ground. She has 11 billion toys but only wants to play with the stuff she can't have. She is stubborn and precious at the same time!
BJ is home...yay! And we are adjusting to being all together again. Madison took about 3 weeks before she really warmed up to him. She is in that awful I-only-want-my-mommy phase right now. Couple that with daddy being a stranger and that makes one miserable little girl. But she has accepted the fact that he is here and he can do all the same things as mommy. Thank goodness!
We are gearing up for another IVF cycle. I know I said long ago that the cycle that brought us Madison was our last cycle but we made the decision to give it one more try. I struggled with the idea of Madison being an only child and while she is the light of my life...I feel incomplete. Like part of my family is missing. The ball is already rolling...kind of. I spent about 2 months on BCPs and recently stopped them to get my own cycles synced up with the RE's planned cycle. If all goes the way it should...my first injection will be around April 26th. We are shooting for ER between May 7th and May 11th. Some of you may have noticed that this would coincide with Madison's 1st birthday. Yep I will be hosting her party and going through a cycle all at the same time. Oh and we will be having her baptism during that time too. Oy vey! (I may have lost my mind!)
So hopefully that brings you up to speed and I will be able to keep up with this blog again. I am going to try blogging while Madison is taking naps. Keyword = try.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Feeding Miss Madison
I thought I would write about how I am choosing to feed my now 8 month old. I am sure some people think I have lost my damn mind. And others are going sit there with their mouths hanging open in absolute disbelief.
First things first...I purposely chose to wait until Madison was 6 months old before starting any solid food. Our pediatrician had suggested that we start cereal at 4 months and I told him "um...no". I had done some research and many of the new recommendations are to wait until 6 months because that is when a baby's digestive tract becomes mature enough for food. So in all this research I happened upon a school-of-thought (Baby Led Weaning or BLW). I read and read and read some more until I knew that it was definitely how I wanted to handle food with Madison. The basic gist is that you offer healthy food...usually whatever you are having...and let your baby feed themselves. No jar food...no mushy baby cereal. So we were off....
Madison's first food was bananas. She was not really sure what she was supposed to do and boy were they slippery! But she did try to put some in her mouth.
It was awesome to see my tiny little girl eat big people food. Just a couple of days later we went back to the pedi...and he was really pushing at least some baby cereal because of the extra iron. And while most babies do not need the extra iron...that is not the case with preemies. They kind of miss out on all the benefits of the 3rd trimester and end of pregnancy when thy get all the minerals and whatnot. So I decided to give her baby oatmeal in the mornings. But I was going to do it my way. We mixed about 1/2 a jar of pureed fruits in with the cereal and kept it on the thicker side. Of course I used a spoon but I let her help if she wanted to. This means that she gets oatmeal everywhere. LOL!
This has evolved into a combination of both feeding worlds. We still do some BLW...mostly at lunch and dinner...but we also use jar baby food. I am pretty laidback about what Madison eats. I let her try just about anything with a few exceptions. And for the most part there is almost nothing she does not like...so far carrots have been the only no go. She has had Indian food, Chinese food and even enchiladas! She loves flavor and a little spice. If something is bland she will spit it out. She truly is our daughter because we love food!
First things first...I purposely chose to wait until Madison was 6 months old before starting any solid food. Our pediatrician had suggested that we start cereal at 4 months and I told him "um...no". I had done some research and many of the new recommendations are to wait until 6 months because that is when a baby's digestive tract becomes mature enough for food. So in all this research I happened upon a school-of-thought (Baby Led Weaning or BLW). I read and read and read some more until I knew that it was definitely how I wanted to handle food with Madison. The basic gist is that you offer healthy food...usually whatever you are having...and let your baby feed themselves. No jar food...no mushy baby cereal. So we were off....Madison's first food was bananas. She was not really sure what she was supposed to do and boy were they slippery! But she did try to put some in her mouth.
It was awesome to see my tiny little girl eat big people food. Just a couple of days later we went back to the pedi...and he was really pushing at least some baby cereal because of the extra iron. And while most babies do not need the extra iron...that is not the case with preemies. They kind of miss out on all the benefits of the 3rd trimester and end of pregnancy when thy get all the minerals and whatnot. So I decided to give her baby oatmeal in the mornings. But I was going to do it my way. We mixed about 1/2 a jar of pureed fruits in with the cereal and kept it on the thicker side. Of course I used a spoon but I let her help if she wanted to. This means that she gets oatmeal everywhere. LOL!This has evolved into a combination of both feeding worlds. We still do some BLW...mostly at lunch and dinner...but we also use jar baby food. I am pretty laidback about what Madison eats. I let her try just about anything with a few exceptions. And for the most part there is almost nothing she does not like...so far carrots have been the only no go. She has had Indian food, Chinese food and even enchiladas! She loves flavor and a little spice. If something is bland she will spit it out. She truly is our daughter because we love food!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Resolutions For The New Year
I know everyone (or at least it seems like everyone) has posted about their resolutions for 2012. And I am late once again. Figures.
I really only have 2...and they are both basically the same or at least related.
1. I am going to keep up with this blog. Even if it kills me. Even if not a soul reads it. No more 3 month gaps. Hopefully not even a week gap. My goal is to write at least every other day.
2. Starting on my birthday (January 20th) I am going to do a 365 project. Or in the case of this year...366. So that means a picture a day. I will try not to make every single one Madison. Key word is "try". ;-)
I also have some goals for the year. I can't really call them resolutions because they aren't.
1. Take a photography class
2. Either find a full time job or start my own temp business for dental assistants (now that my mom is moving in with us, she can watch Maddie while I work, and I kind of miss working, shocking I know!)
3. Give Madison a baby brother or sister
Yep that's right. I am going to learn how to take pictures!
Just kidding. Yes we are going to do IVF one more time. We thought that having one child would be okay...and it is...but we really want her to have a sibling. BJ and I are so close to our siblings and we both really want that for Madison. So I have sort of started the process. I stopped breastfeeding so that I could give my body a chance to go back to normal. I was one of the lucky ones that did not get a post-partum period while breastfeeding. Can I say how amazing it was to go 14 months without a period?
So anywho, I stopped when Madison turned 6 months. At that point I had over 2200 ounces of frozen breastmilk (BM) in the freezer and I figured that would last 3 months. And since I did not take any frozen BM with me for either trip and I use formula while we are out and about and when she goes to daycare....I still have over 1700 ounces in my stockpile! I am really am proud of myself for accomplishing that. It was a lot of hard work.
But back to the IVF...so in mid-December I went back to Dr. P and had new blood work done and a new saline sonogram. We also talked about how we would do things. Basically we are going to try and mimic my cycle that got us Maddie. We are going to attempt a natural start cycle. But I will still take BCP...I will just come off them a month early. Everything else will be the same...lupron, bravelle and menopur...pom juice.
The interesting part will be the timing. Stims will start the end of April and ER will be sometime between May 7-11. For those keeping track of dates...that would be right after Madison's first birthday. Which means I have to plan, set-up and host a birthday party while not being able to lift anything over 5 lbs. Ha! Oh and Madison's baptism. Bring it on!
So here is a picture to keep ya happy! (Otherwise know as me showing off my adorable daughter!)
Oh and one of my new favorites!
I really only have 2...and they are both basically the same or at least related.
1. I am going to keep up with this blog. Even if it kills me. Even if not a soul reads it. No more 3 month gaps. Hopefully not even a week gap. My goal is to write at least every other day.
2. Starting on my birthday (January 20th) I am going to do a 365 project. Or in the case of this year...366. So that means a picture a day. I will try not to make every single one Madison. Key word is "try". ;-)
I also have some goals for the year. I can't really call them resolutions because they aren't.
1. Take a photography class
2. Either find a full time job or start my own temp business for dental assistants (now that my mom is moving in with us, she can watch Maddie while I work, and I kind of miss working, shocking I know!)
3. Give Madison a baby brother or sister
Yep that's right. I am going to learn how to take pictures!
Just kidding. Yes we are going to do IVF one more time. We thought that having one child would be okay...and it is...but we really want her to have a sibling. BJ and I are so close to our siblings and we both really want that for Madison. So I have sort of started the process. I stopped breastfeeding so that I could give my body a chance to go back to normal. I was one of the lucky ones that did not get a post-partum period while breastfeeding. Can I say how amazing it was to go 14 months without a period?
So anywho, I stopped when Madison turned 6 months. At that point I had over 2200 ounces of frozen breastmilk (BM) in the freezer and I figured that would last 3 months. And since I did not take any frozen BM with me for either trip and I use formula while we are out and about and when she goes to daycare....I still have over 1700 ounces in my stockpile! I am really am proud of myself for accomplishing that. It was a lot of hard work.
But back to the IVF...so in mid-December I went back to Dr. P and had new blood work done and a new saline sonogram. We also talked about how we would do things. Basically we are going to try and mimic my cycle that got us Maddie. We are going to attempt a natural start cycle. But I will still take BCP...I will just come off them a month early. Everything else will be the same...lupron, bravelle and menopur...pom juice.
The interesting part will be the timing. Stims will start the end of April and ER will be sometime between May 7-11. For those keeping track of dates...that would be right after Madison's first birthday. Which means I have to plan, set-up and host a birthday party while not being able to lift anything over 5 lbs. Ha! Oh and Madison's baptism. Bring it on!
So here is a picture to keep ya happy! (Otherwise know as me showing off my adorable daughter!)
Oh and one of my new favorites!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year...Trying To Be A Better Blogger
I have been Busy...with a capital B!
I went to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. It was a very short trip...not that it was supposed to be but well sometimes things don't go as planned. It is what it is.
So anywho...we got home and dove in head first to all the busyness that leads up to Christmas. Lots of baking...lots of parties...lots of shopping. And for us...lots of packing! We left in mid December for a 2 week trip to Seattle to visit my family. It was crazy and hectic but so much fun to see everyone. So here is a recap and some travel tips for those that may be looking at traveling with their baby.
First and foremost...the actual booking of the airfare. I had several options of where I was going to fly out of...Raleigh, Wilmington or Jacksonville. They all had pros and cons but ultimately I decided to go with Jacksonville because regardless of price it was the closest and would be the easiest for us to get to without making Madison mad. So once I decided that I had to decide what time to do the flights. For us, it made the most sense to choose the latest flight possible. I wanted to try and do the bulk of the flying during a time that Madison would be tired and wanting to sleep. So our flight left J-ville at 4ish pm and then we flew to Charlotte and that flight left around 6:30 pm. Madison did really good overall. She did have a melt down on the first flight but it only lasted at the most 10 minutes and then she fell asleep. I think it was because the cabin kept pressurizing (is that a real description??). My ears kept popping so I am sure hers were not feeling good. Poor baby. :( The flight from Charlotte to Seattle was 5 1/2 hours and she slept for about 3 1/2 of those at least. And no melt downs. Yay!
**flying tip** I brought with me a large suitcase that I checked. For a 2 week trip it is (in my opinion) impossible to not check a bag. There was no way that I would have been able to pack just Madison's stuff in a single carry-on let alone my stuff too. So suck it up and realize that this is the new normal until you have to buy them their own seat. Oh and speaking of seats...if I could do it all over again....I would have bought Madison her own seat. Maybe I would have been able to actually sleep on the flights myself instead of trying to keep my arms from going numb.
So we got to Seattle and my mom met me at baggage claim. Thanks Mom! I highly recommend that if you are traveling by yourself with your baby, try to have someone at your destination meet you at the airport to help you. I rented a car and without my mom there was no way...even with a luggage cart...that I was going to get me, Madison and all of our luggage up the elevator, across the sky bridge and down the elevator and across the road to get the shuttle to the offsite car rental place. I am exhausted just typing that out! We got settled with our rental car...a Chrysler Town and Country, yeah baby!...and got to my mom's. We pretty much went right to bed. I was hoping that Madison would transition fairly easily to the time change but that was not the case. She was awake at 4:30 am...which would have been 7:30. In the end it took about 3-4 days for her to get on track with the time. What finally worked (I think?) was that when she woke up early, instead of giving her a bottle, I laid her in bed with me and she fell asleep again. I think she finally got it after a couple of morning of this.
During our trip to Seattle, we also did a side trip to Boise to visit my brother, sister-in-law and nieces. It was so awesome to see Madison with her cousins! I hope we can continue to get all these girls together so they become close. Madison did great for both the flight there and back. On a bit of a weird note...we flew Southwest and they do not do assigned seating, you pick your seat. So when I got on the plane, I looked for an open aisle seat and found one quickly next to nice looking middle age couple. We talked most of the flight and the wife was babbling with Madison...who smiled and giggled at her! So 3 days later on our return flight, imagine my surprise when I am again searching for an aisle seat and there they are again! I sat next to them again and the 3 of us enjoyed a glass of wine. Too funny!
We also celebrated my grandfather's 87th birthday. It was awesome to see a lot of my aunts and uncles and for them to meet Madison for the first time. But I definitely missed my hubby! It was my first visit to Seattle in many years without having him with me. And not having him with us for Christmas was hard...but we did skype and that made up for it a little. Kind of. But we did have a nice Christmas with my mom and brother and Madison loved tearing up the paper.
Our visit came to an end and it was time to head home. For the flight home I did a red-eye. Again trying to bank on the fact that Madison would be tired and want to sleep. We got checked in around 10:30 pm for our 12:45 am flight...mainly because I needed to get the rental back by 10 pm. We went to the USO...but we did not stay long. It was super crowded and there was literally nowhere to sit. In order to give Madison a bottle I had to sit on a kids chair in the family room. One family was taking up 2 couches...grrr! So I said screw it and we went to our gate. The flight was great and we even had a row with an extra seat so I could lay Madison down on it to sleep. Not that I slept because I was too worried about her rolling off!
We got home and settled in for the rest of the day. Madison fell back into east coast time very easily. Literally one day was all she needed. So it has been almost a week and I am still trying to get things organized from the trip. I'll get there....eventually.
So the travel tips...
- book flights during a time that your child would normally sleep.
- bring gear that you know you will use - I brought my B-Ready. It is huge but I did not mind because I had lots of space to stow the baby carrier, diaper bag and my coat. I could have brought my umbrella stroller but it would have been harder to stow everything I had with me. I also brought my floppy seat because I knew I would be doing some shopping and I am one of those that does not like putting my child in the shopping cart without it.
- buy your child their own seat
- get bags for your carseat and stroller - Even though it was a total pain in the ass to cram my carseat into the bag, I glad I did. It protected my expensive carseat from potential damage. I also got a gate check bag for my stroller. While I am glad I got it and used it...my stroller still got damaged. In fact I had to call Britax and they ended up 2 day shipping me a new frame for my stroller.
- try not to stress about meltdowns on the plane, as long as your are trying to comfort them people will understand
I know I sound crazy but I am actually looking forward to our next trip. I have no idea where or when that will be but for sure it will be with BJ!
I went to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. It was a very short trip...not that it was supposed to be but well sometimes things don't go as planned. It is what it is.
So anywho...we got home and dove in head first to all the busyness that leads up to Christmas. Lots of baking...lots of parties...lots of shopping. And for us...lots of packing! We left in mid December for a 2 week trip to Seattle to visit my family. It was crazy and hectic but so much fun to see everyone. So here is a recap and some travel tips for those that may be looking at traveling with their baby.
First and foremost...the actual booking of the airfare. I had several options of where I was going to fly out of...Raleigh, Wilmington or Jacksonville. They all had pros and cons but ultimately I decided to go with Jacksonville because regardless of price it was the closest and would be the easiest for us to get to without making Madison mad. So once I decided that I had to decide what time to do the flights. For us, it made the most sense to choose the latest flight possible. I wanted to try and do the bulk of the flying during a time that Madison would be tired and wanting to sleep. So our flight left J-ville at 4ish pm and then we flew to Charlotte and that flight left around 6:30 pm. Madison did really good overall. She did have a melt down on the first flight but it only lasted at the most 10 minutes and then she fell asleep. I think it was because the cabin kept pressurizing (is that a real description??). My ears kept popping so I am sure hers were not feeling good. Poor baby. :( The flight from Charlotte to Seattle was 5 1/2 hours and she slept for about 3 1/2 of those at least. And no melt downs. Yay!
**flying tip** I brought with me a large suitcase that I checked. For a 2 week trip it is (in my opinion) impossible to not check a bag. There was no way that I would have been able to pack just Madison's stuff in a single carry-on let alone my stuff too. So suck it up and realize that this is the new normal until you have to buy them their own seat. Oh and speaking of seats...if I could do it all over again....I would have bought Madison her own seat. Maybe I would have been able to actually sleep on the flights myself instead of trying to keep my arms from going numb.
So we got to Seattle and my mom met me at baggage claim. Thanks Mom! I highly recommend that if you are traveling by yourself with your baby, try to have someone at your destination meet you at the airport to help you. I rented a car and without my mom there was no way...even with a luggage cart...that I was going to get me, Madison and all of our luggage up the elevator, across the sky bridge and down the elevator and across the road to get the shuttle to the offsite car rental place. I am exhausted just typing that out! We got settled with our rental car...a Chrysler Town and Country, yeah baby!...and got to my mom's. We pretty much went right to bed. I was hoping that Madison would transition fairly easily to the time change but that was not the case. She was awake at 4:30 am...which would have been 7:30. In the end it took about 3-4 days for her to get on track with the time. What finally worked (I think?) was that when she woke up early, instead of giving her a bottle, I laid her in bed with me and she fell asleep again. I think she finally got it after a couple of morning of this.
During our trip to Seattle, we also did a side trip to Boise to visit my brother, sister-in-law and nieces. It was so awesome to see Madison with her cousins! I hope we can continue to get all these girls together so they become close. Madison did great for both the flight there and back. On a bit of a weird note...we flew Southwest and they do not do assigned seating, you pick your seat. So when I got on the plane, I looked for an open aisle seat and found one quickly next to nice looking middle age couple. We talked most of the flight and the wife was babbling with Madison...who smiled and giggled at her! So 3 days later on our return flight, imagine my surprise when I am again searching for an aisle seat and there they are again! I sat next to them again and the 3 of us enjoyed a glass of wine. Too funny!
We also celebrated my grandfather's 87th birthday. It was awesome to see a lot of my aunts and uncles and for them to meet Madison for the first time. But I definitely missed my hubby! It was my first visit to Seattle in many years without having him with me. And not having him with us for Christmas was hard...but we did skype and that made up for it a little. Kind of. But we did have a nice Christmas with my mom and brother and Madison loved tearing up the paper.
Our visit came to an end and it was time to head home. For the flight home I did a red-eye. Again trying to bank on the fact that Madison would be tired and want to sleep. We got checked in around 10:30 pm for our 12:45 am flight...mainly because I needed to get the rental back by 10 pm. We went to the USO...but we did not stay long. It was super crowded and there was literally nowhere to sit. In order to give Madison a bottle I had to sit on a kids chair in the family room. One family was taking up 2 couches...grrr! So I said screw it and we went to our gate. The flight was great and we even had a row with an extra seat so I could lay Madison down on it to sleep. Not that I slept because I was too worried about her rolling off!
We got home and settled in for the rest of the day. Madison fell back into east coast time very easily. Literally one day was all she needed. So it has been almost a week and I am still trying to get things organized from the trip. I'll get there....eventually.
So the travel tips...
- book flights during a time that your child would normally sleep.
- bring gear that you know you will use - I brought my B-Ready. It is huge but I did not mind because I had lots of space to stow the baby carrier, diaper bag and my coat. I could have brought my umbrella stroller but it would have been harder to stow everything I had with me. I also brought my floppy seat because I knew I would be doing some shopping and I am one of those that does not like putting my child in the shopping cart without it.
- buy your child their own seat
- get bags for your carseat and stroller - Even though it was a total pain in the ass to cram my carseat into the bag, I glad I did. It protected my expensive carseat from potential damage. I also got a gate check bag for my stroller. While I am glad I got it and used it...my stroller still got damaged. In fact I had to call Britax and they ended up 2 day shipping me a new frame for my stroller.
- try not to stress about meltdowns on the plane, as long as your are trying to comfort them people will understand
I know I sound crazy but I am actually looking forward to our next trip. I have no idea where or when that will be but for sure it will be with BJ!
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