Day 1 of shots is done...tomorrow starts the big guns. All of those same feelings are surfacing again...but yet they are different. I have Madison...that makes failure a little less painful. If we fail, my family will not feel complete but I will know that we tried and it is time to move on.
But I need to let hope live...I need to push the scary feelings away and focus on hope. Today I will hope!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Having A Baby = Becoming A Bad Blogger
Wow...has it really been over 3 months since my last blog post???
This parenting thing kind of keeps you busy! Don't get me wrong...I love it! I love having my little sidekick...a little one who likes to play and keep me on my toes. She is into everything now...and I mean everything! Nothing is safe...unless it is several feet off the ground. She has 11 billion toys but only wants to play with the stuff she can't have. She is stubborn and precious at the same time!
BJ is home...yay! And we are adjusting to being all together again. Madison took about 3 weeks before she really warmed up to him. She is in that awful I-only-want-my-mommy phase right now. Couple that with daddy being a stranger and that makes one miserable little girl. But she has accepted the fact that he is here and he can do all the same things as mommy. Thank goodness!
We are gearing up for another IVF cycle. I know I said long ago that the cycle that brought us Madison was our last cycle but we made the decision to give it one more try. I struggled with the idea of Madison being an only child and while she is the light of my life...I feel incomplete. Like part of my family is missing. The ball is already rolling...kind of. I spent about 2 months on BCPs and recently stopped them to get my own cycles synced up with the RE's planned cycle. If all goes the way it should...my first injection will be around April 26th. We are shooting for ER between May 7th and May 11th. Some of you may have noticed that this would coincide with Madison's 1st birthday. Yep I will be hosting her party and going through a cycle all at the same time. Oh and we will be having her baptism during that time too. Oy vey! (I may have lost my mind!)
So hopefully that brings you up to speed and I will be able to keep up with this blog again. I am going to try blogging while Madison is taking naps. Keyword = try.
This parenting thing kind of keeps you busy! Don't get me wrong...I love it! I love having my little sidekick...a little one who likes to play and keep me on my toes. She is into everything now...and I mean everything! Nothing is safe...unless it is several feet off the ground. She has 11 billion toys but only wants to play with the stuff she can't have. She is stubborn and precious at the same time!
BJ is home...yay! And we are adjusting to being all together again. Madison took about 3 weeks before she really warmed up to him. She is in that awful I-only-want-my-mommy phase right now. Couple that with daddy being a stranger and that makes one miserable little girl. But she has accepted the fact that he is here and he can do all the same things as mommy. Thank goodness!
We are gearing up for another IVF cycle. I know I said long ago that the cycle that brought us Madison was our last cycle but we made the decision to give it one more try. I struggled with the idea of Madison being an only child and while she is the light of my life...I feel incomplete. Like part of my family is missing. The ball is already rolling...kind of. I spent about 2 months on BCPs and recently stopped them to get my own cycles synced up with the RE's planned cycle. If all goes the way it should...my first injection will be around April 26th. We are shooting for ER between May 7th and May 11th. Some of you may have noticed that this would coincide with Madison's 1st birthday. Yep I will be hosting her party and going through a cycle all at the same time. Oh and we will be having her baptism during that time too. Oy vey! (I may have lost my mind!)
So hopefully that brings you up to speed and I will be able to keep up with this blog again. I am going to try blogging while Madison is taking naps. Keyword = try.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Feeding Miss Madison
I thought I would write about how I am choosing to feed my now 8 month old. I am sure some people think I have lost my damn mind. And others are going sit there with their mouths hanging open in absolute disbelief.
First things first...I purposely chose to wait until Madison was 6 months old before starting any solid food. Our pediatrician had suggested that we start cereal at 4 months and I told him "um...no". I had done some research and many of the new recommendations are to wait until 6 months because that is when a baby's digestive tract becomes mature enough for food. So in all this research I happened upon a school-of-thought (Baby Led Weaning or BLW). I read and read and read some more until I knew that it was definitely how I wanted to handle food with Madison. The basic gist is that you offer healthy food...usually whatever you are having...and let your baby feed themselves. No jar food...no mushy baby cereal. So we were off....
Madison's first food was bananas. She was not really sure what she was supposed to do and boy were they slippery! But she did try to put some in her mouth.
It was awesome to see my tiny little girl eat big people food. Just a couple of days later we went back to the pedi...and he was really pushing at least some baby cereal because of the extra iron. And while most babies do not need the extra iron...that is not the case with preemies. They kind of miss out on all the benefits of the 3rd trimester and end of pregnancy when thy get all the minerals and whatnot. So I decided to give her baby oatmeal in the mornings. But I was going to do it my way. We mixed about 1/2 a jar of pureed fruits in with the cereal and kept it on the thicker side. Of course I used a spoon but I let her help if she wanted to. This means that she gets oatmeal everywhere. LOL!
This has evolved into a combination of both feeding worlds. We still do some BLW...mostly at lunch and dinner...but we also use jar baby food. I am pretty laidback about what Madison eats. I let her try just about anything with a few exceptions. And for the most part there is almost nothing she does not like...so far carrots have been the only no go. She has had Indian food, Chinese food and even enchiladas! She loves flavor and a little spice. If something is bland she will spit it out. She truly is our daughter because we love food!
First things first...I purposely chose to wait until Madison was 6 months old before starting any solid food. Our pediatrician had suggested that we start cereal at 4 months and I told him "um...no". I had done some research and many of the new recommendations are to wait until 6 months because that is when a baby's digestive tract becomes mature enough for food. So in all this research I happened upon a school-of-thought (Baby Led Weaning or BLW). I read and read and read some more until I knew that it was definitely how I wanted to handle food with Madison. The basic gist is that you offer healthy food...usually whatever you are having...and let your baby feed themselves. No jar food...no mushy baby cereal. So we were off....Madison's first food was bananas. She was not really sure what she was supposed to do and boy were they slippery! But she did try to put some in her mouth.
It was awesome to see my tiny little girl eat big people food. Just a couple of days later we went back to the pedi...and he was really pushing at least some baby cereal because of the extra iron. And while most babies do not need the extra iron...that is not the case with preemies. They kind of miss out on all the benefits of the 3rd trimester and end of pregnancy when thy get all the minerals and whatnot. So I decided to give her baby oatmeal in the mornings. But I was going to do it my way. We mixed about 1/2 a jar of pureed fruits in with the cereal and kept it on the thicker side. Of course I used a spoon but I let her help if she wanted to. This means that she gets oatmeal everywhere. LOL!This has evolved into a combination of both feeding worlds. We still do some BLW...mostly at lunch and dinner...but we also use jar baby food. I am pretty laidback about what Madison eats. I let her try just about anything with a few exceptions. And for the most part there is almost nothing she does not like...so far carrots have been the only no go. She has had Indian food, Chinese food and even enchiladas! She loves flavor and a little spice. If something is bland she will spit it out. She truly is our daughter because we love food!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Resolutions For The New Year
I know everyone (or at least it seems like everyone) has posted about their resolutions for 2012. And I am late once again. Figures.
I really only have 2...and they are both basically the same or at least related.
1. I am going to keep up with this blog. Even if it kills me. Even if not a soul reads it. No more 3 month gaps. Hopefully not even a week gap. My goal is to write at least every other day.
2. Starting on my birthday (January 20th) I am going to do a 365 project. Or in the case of this year...366. So that means a picture a day. I will try not to make every single one Madison. Key word is "try". ;-)
I also have some goals for the year. I can't really call them resolutions because they aren't.
1. Take a photography class
2. Either find a full time job or start my own temp business for dental assistants (now that my mom is moving in with us, she can watch Maddie while I work, and I kind of miss working, shocking I know!)
3. Give Madison a baby brother or sister
Yep that's right. I am going to learn how to take pictures!
Just kidding. Yes we are going to do IVF one more time. We thought that having one child would be okay...and it is...but we really want her to have a sibling. BJ and I are so close to our siblings and we both really want that for Madison. So I have sort of started the process. I stopped breastfeeding so that I could give my body a chance to go back to normal. I was one of the lucky ones that did not get a post-partum period while breastfeeding. Can I say how amazing it was to go 14 months without a period?
So anywho, I stopped when Madison turned 6 months. At that point I had over 2200 ounces of frozen breastmilk (BM) in the freezer and I figured that would last 3 months. And since I did not take any frozen BM with me for either trip and I use formula while we are out and about and when she goes to daycare....I still have over 1700 ounces in my stockpile! I am really am proud of myself for accomplishing that. It was a lot of hard work.
But back to the IVF...so in mid-December I went back to Dr. P and had new blood work done and a new saline sonogram. We also talked about how we would do things. Basically we are going to try and mimic my cycle that got us Maddie. We are going to attempt a natural start cycle. But I will still take BCP...I will just come off them a month early. Everything else will be the same...lupron, bravelle and menopur...pom juice.
The interesting part will be the timing. Stims will start the end of April and ER will be sometime between May 7-11. For those keeping track of dates...that would be right after Madison's first birthday. Which means I have to plan, set-up and host a birthday party while not being able to lift anything over 5 lbs. Ha! Oh and Madison's baptism. Bring it on!
So here is a picture to keep ya happy! (Otherwise know as me showing off my adorable daughter!)
Oh and one of my new favorites!
I really only have 2...and they are both basically the same or at least related.
1. I am going to keep up with this blog. Even if it kills me. Even if not a soul reads it. No more 3 month gaps. Hopefully not even a week gap. My goal is to write at least every other day.
2. Starting on my birthday (January 20th) I am going to do a 365 project. Or in the case of this year...366. So that means a picture a day. I will try not to make every single one Madison. Key word is "try". ;-)
I also have some goals for the year. I can't really call them resolutions because they aren't.
1. Take a photography class
2. Either find a full time job or start my own temp business for dental assistants (now that my mom is moving in with us, she can watch Maddie while I work, and I kind of miss working, shocking I know!)
3. Give Madison a baby brother or sister
Yep that's right. I am going to learn how to take pictures!
Just kidding. Yes we are going to do IVF one more time. We thought that having one child would be okay...and it is...but we really want her to have a sibling. BJ and I are so close to our siblings and we both really want that for Madison. So I have sort of started the process. I stopped breastfeeding so that I could give my body a chance to go back to normal. I was one of the lucky ones that did not get a post-partum period while breastfeeding. Can I say how amazing it was to go 14 months without a period?
So anywho, I stopped when Madison turned 6 months. At that point I had over 2200 ounces of frozen breastmilk (BM) in the freezer and I figured that would last 3 months. And since I did not take any frozen BM with me for either trip and I use formula while we are out and about and when she goes to daycare....I still have over 1700 ounces in my stockpile! I am really am proud of myself for accomplishing that. It was a lot of hard work.
But back to the IVF...so in mid-December I went back to Dr. P and had new blood work done and a new saline sonogram. We also talked about how we would do things. Basically we are going to try and mimic my cycle that got us Maddie. We are going to attempt a natural start cycle. But I will still take BCP...I will just come off them a month early. Everything else will be the same...lupron, bravelle and menopur...pom juice.
The interesting part will be the timing. Stims will start the end of April and ER will be sometime between May 7-11. For those keeping track of dates...that would be right after Madison's first birthday. Which means I have to plan, set-up and host a birthday party while not being able to lift anything over 5 lbs. Ha! Oh and Madison's baptism. Bring it on!
So here is a picture to keep ya happy! (Otherwise know as me showing off my adorable daughter!)
Oh and one of my new favorites!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year...Trying To Be A Better Blogger
I have been Busy...with a capital B!
I went to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. It was a very short trip...not that it was supposed to be but well sometimes things don't go as planned. It is what it is.
So anywho...we got home and dove in head first to all the busyness that leads up to Christmas. Lots of baking...lots of parties...lots of shopping. And for us...lots of packing! We left in mid December for a 2 week trip to Seattle to visit my family. It was crazy and hectic but so much fun to see everyone. So here is a recap and some travel tips for those that may be looking at traveling with their baby.
First and foremost...the actual booking of the airfare. I had several options of where I was going to fly out of...Raleigh, Wilmington or Jacksonville. They all had pros and cons but ultimately I decided to go with Jacksonville because regardless of price it was the closest and would be the easiest for us to get to without making Madison mad. So once I decided that I had to decide what time to do the flights. For us, it made the most sense to choose the latest flight possible. I wanted to try and do the bulk of the flying during a time that Madison would be tired and wanting to sleep. So our flight left J-ville at 4ish pm and then we flew to Charlotte and that flight left around 6:30 pm. Madison did really good overall. She did have a melt down on the first flight but it only lasted at the most 10 minutes and then she fell asleep. I think it was because the cabin kept pressurizing (is that a real description??). My ears kept popping so I am sure hers were not feeling good. Poor baby. :( The flight from Charlotte to Seattle was 5 1/2 hours and she slept for about 3 1/2 of those at least. And no melt downs. Yay!
**flying tip** I brought with me a large suitcase that I checked. For a 2 week trip it is (in my opinion) impossible to not check a bag. There was no way that I would have been able to pack just Madison's stuff in a single carry-on let alone my stuff too. So suck it up and realize that this is the new normal until you have to buy them their own seat. Oh and speaking of seats...if I could do it all over again....I would have bought Madison her own seat. Maybe I would have been able to actually sleep on the flights myself instead of trying to keep my arms from going numb.
So we got to Seattle and my mom met me at baggage claim. Thanks Mom! I highly recommend that if you are traveling by yourself with your baby, try to have someone at your destination meet you at the airport to help you. I rented a car and without my mom there was no way...even with a luggage cart...that I was going to get me, Madison and all of our luggage up the elevator, across the sky bridge and down the elevator and across the road to get the shuttle to the offsite car rental place. I am exhausted just typing that out! We got settled with our rental car...a Chrysler Town and Country, yeah baby!...and got to my mom's. We pretty much went right to bed. I was hoping that Madison would transition fairly easily to the time change but that was not the case. She was awake at 4:30 am...which would have been 7:30. In the end it took about 3-4 days for her to get on track with the time. What finally worked (I think?) was that when she woke up early, instead of giving her a bottle, I laid her in bed with me and she fell asleep again. I think she finally got it after a couple of morning of this.
During our trip to Seattle, we also did a side trip to Boise to visit my brother, sister-in-law and nieces. It was so awesome to see Madison with her cousins! I hope we can continue to get all these girls together so they become close. Madison did great for both the flight there and back. On a bit of a weird note...we flew Southwest and they do not do assigned seating, you pick your seat. So when I got on the plane, I looked for an open aisle seat and found one quickly next to nice looking middle age couple. We talked most of the flight and the wife was babbling with Madison...who smiled and giggled at her! So 3 days later on our return flight, imagine my surprise when I am again searching for an aisle seat and there they are again! I sat next to them again and the 3 of us enjoyed a glass of wine. Too funny!
We also celebrated my grandfather's 87th birthday. It was awesome to see a lot of my aunts and uncles and for them to meet Madison for the first time. But I definitely missed my hubby! It was my first visit to Seattle in many years without having him with me. And not having him with us for Christmas was hard...but we did skype and that made up for it a little. Kind of. But we did have a nice Christmas with my mom and brother and Madison loved tearing up the paper.
Our visit came to an end and it was time to head home. For the flight home I did a red-eye. Again trying to bank on the fact that Madison would be tired and want to sleep. We got checked in around 10:30 pm for our 12:45 am flight...mainly because I needed to get the rental back by 10 pm. We went to the USO...but we did not stay long. It was super crowded and there was literally nowhere to sit. In order to give Madison a bottle I had to sit on a kids chair in the family room. One family was taking up 2 couches...grrr! So I said screw it and we went to our gate. The flight was great and we even had a row with an extra seat so I could lay Madison down on it to sleep. Not that I slept because I was too worried about her rolling off!
We got home and settled in for the rest of the day. Madison fell back into east coast time very easily. Literally one day was all she needed. So it has been almost a week and I am still trying to get things organized from the trip. I'll get there....eventually.
So the travel tips...
- book flights during a time that your child would normally sleep.
- bring gear that you know you will use - I brought my B-Ready. It is huge but I did not mind because I had lots of space to stow the baby carrier, diaper bag and my coat. I could have brought my umbrella stroller but it would have been harder to stow everything I had with me. I also brought my floppy seat because I knew I would be doing some shopping and I am one of those that does not like putting my child in the shopping cart without it.
- buy your child their own seat
- get bags for your carseat and stroller - Even though it was a total pain in the ass to cram my carseat into the bag, I glad I did. It protected my expensive carseat from potential damage. I also got a gate check bag for my stroller. While I am glad I got it and used it...my stroller still got damaged. In fact I had to call Britax and they ended up 2 day shipping me a new frame for my stroller.
- try not to stress about meltdowns on the plane, as long as your are trying to comfort them people will understand
I know I sound crazy but I am actually looking forward to our next trip. I have no idea where or when that will be but for sure it will be with BJ!
I went to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. It was a very short trip...not that it was supposed to be but well sometimes things don't go as planned. It is what it is.
So anywho...we got home and dove in head first to all the busyness that leads up to Christmas. Lots of baking...lots of parties...lots of shopping. And for us...lots of packing! We left in mid December for a 2 week trip to Seattle to visit my family. It was crazy and hectic but so much fun to see everyone. So here is a recap and some travel tips for those that may be looking at traveling with their baby.
First and foremost...the actual booking of the airfare. I had several options of where I was going to fly out of...Raleigh, Wilmington or Jacksonville. They all had pros and cons but ultimately I decided to go with Jacksonville because regardless of price it was the closest and would be the easiest for us to get to without making Madison mad. So once I decided that I had to decide what time to do the flights. For us, it made the most sense to choose the latest flight possible. I wanted to try and do the bulk of the flying during a time that Madison would be tired and wanting to sleep. So our flight left J-ville at 4ish pm and then we flew to Charlotte and that flight left around 6:30 pm. Madison did really good overall. She did have a melt down on the first flight but it only lasted at the most 10 minutes and then she fell asleep. I think it was because the cabin kept pressurizing (is that a real description??). My ears kept popping so I am sure hers were not feeling good. Poor baby. :( The flight from Charlotte to Seattle was 5 1/2 hours and she slept for about 3 1/2 of those at least. And no melt downs. Yay!
**flying tip** I brought with me a large suitcase that I checked. For a 2 week trip it is (in my opinion) impossible to not check a bag. There was no way that I would have been able to pack just Madison's stuff in a single carry-on let alone my stuff too. So suck it up and realize that this is the new normal until you have to buy them their own seat. Oh and speaking of seats...if I could do it all over again....I would have bought Madison her own seat. Maybe I would have been able to actually sleep on the flights myself instead of trying to keep my arms from going numb.
So we got to Seattle and my mom met me at baggage claim. Thanks Mom! I highly recommend that if you are traveling by yourself with your baby, try to have someone at your destination meet you at the airport to help you. I rented a car and without my mom there was no way...even with a luggage cart...that I was going to get me, Madison and all of our luggage up the elevator, across the sky bridge and down the elevator and across the road to get the shuttle to the offsite car rental place. I am exhausted just typing that out! We got settled with our rental car...a Chrysler Town and Country, yeah baby!...and got to my mom's. We pretty much went right to bed. I was hoping that Madison would transition fairly easily to the time change but that was not the case. She was awake at 4:30 am...which would have been 7:30. In the end it took about 3-4 days for her to get on track with the time. What finally worked (I think?) was that when she woke up early, instead of giving her a bottle, I laid her in bed with me and she fell asleep again. I think she finally got it after a couple of morning of this.
During our trip to Seattle, we also did a side trip to Boise to visit my brother, sister-in-law and nieces. It was so awesome to see Madison with her cousins! I hope we can continue to get all these girls together so they become close. Madison did great for both the flight there and back. On a bit of a weird note...we flew Southwest and they do not do assigned seating, you pick your seat. So when I got on the plane, I looked for an open aisle seat and found one quickly next to nice looking middle age couple. We talked most of the flight and the wife was babbling with Madison...who smiled and giggled at her! So 3 days later on our return flight, imagine my surprise when I am again searching for an aisle seat and there they are again! I sat next to them again and the 3 of us enjoyed a glass of wine. Too funny!
We also celebrated my grandfather's 87th birthday. It was awesome to see a lot of my aunts and uncles and for them to meet Madison for the first time. But I definitely missed my hubby! It was my first visit to Seattle in many years without having him with me. And not having him with us for Christmas was hard...but we did skype and that made up for it a little. Kind of. But we did have a nice Christmas with my mom and brother and Madison loved tearing up the paper.
Our visit came to an end and it was time to head home. For the flight home I did a red-eye. Again trying to bank on the fact that Madison would be tired and want to sleep. We got checked in around 10:30 pm for our 12:45 am flight...mainly because I needed to get the rental back by 10 pm. We went to the USO...but we did not stay long. It was super crowded and there was literally nowhere to sit. In order to give Madison a bottle I had to sit on a kids chair in the family room. One family was taking up 2 couches...grrr! So I said screw it and we went to our gate. The flight was great and we even had a row with an extra seat so I could lay Madison down on it to sleep. Not that I slept because I was too worried about her rolling off!
We got home and settled in for the rest of the day. Madison fell back into east coast time very easily. Literally one day was all she needed. So it has been almost a week and I am still trying to get things organized from the trip. I'll get there....eventually.
So the travel tips...
- book flights during a time that your child would normally sleep.
- bring gear that you know you will use - I brought my B-Ready. It is huge but I did not mind because I had lots of space to stow the baby carrier, diaper bag and my coat. I could have brought my umbrella stroller but it would have been harder to stow everything I had with me. I also brought my floppy seat because I knew I would be doing some shopping and I am one of those that does not like putting my child in the shopping cart without it.
- buy your child their own seat
- get bags for your carseat and stroller - Even though it was a total pain in the ass to cram my carseat into the bag, I glad I did. It protected my expensive carseat from potential damage. I also got a gate check bag for my stroller. While I am glad I got it and used it...my stroller still got damaged. In fact I had to call Britax and they ended up 2 day shipping me a new frame for my stroller.
- try not to stress about meltdowns on the plane, as long as your are trying to comfort them people will understand
I know I sound crazy but I am actually looking forward to our next trip. I have no idea where or when that will be but for sure it will be with BJ!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
I Am A Terrible Blogger.
Really terrible.
Maybe it is because I am now trying to keep up with a baby. And I am sure it does not help that as of right now I am doing it alone.
I am blessed that Madison is sleeping through the night but when I get her into bed...anywhere from 7pm to 8pm...then it is time to straighten up the chaos that has happened from the day. And after an hour of that, I am d.o.n.e.! But I would not change this predicament for anything in the world. I love my little distraction more than words can ever explain.
She is getting to a really fun age now. Past the tiny baby stage where all they do is cry and sleep and poop and give you an occasional smile that could be totally related to gas. I can say her name and she looks right at me and gets this big grin. She has discovered toys and loves anything that makes noise or music. She truly melts my heart in a way that only a child could.
So we have been pretty busy. Lots of meetings for me which means that Maddie goes to drop-in daycare. The ladies love her there and she seems to like it too. We have gotten to skype a lot with Daddy which is awesome. He may not be here but I feel like he is not missing too much of her life. And he still gets to help us out with things like searching for a good car rental deal for our trip to Seattle. I love that man!
Maybe it is because I am now trying to keep up with a baby. And I am sure it does not help that as of right now I am doing it alone.
I am blessed that Madison is sleeping through the night but when I get her into bed...anywhere from 7pm to 8pm...then it is time to straighten up the chaos that has happened from the day. And after an hour of that, I am d.o.n.e.! But I would not change this predicament for anything in the world. I love my little distraction more than words can ever explain.
She is getting to a really fun age now. Past the tiny baby stage where all they do is cry and sleep and poop and give you an occasional smile that could be totally related to gas. I can say her name and she looks right at me and gets this big grin. She has discovered toys and loves anything that makes noise or music. She truly melts my heart in a way that only a child could.
So we have been pretty busy. Lots of meetings for me which means that Maddie goes to drop-in daycare. The ladies love her there and she seems to like it too. We have gotten to skype a lot with Daddy which is awesome. He may not be here but I feel like he is not missing too much of her life. And he still gets to help us out with things like searching for a good car rental deal for our trip to Seattle. I love that man!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Back In The Saddle
Wow, I can't believe it has been 3 months since I last wrote on this blog! It has been a quick, rough, stressful, amazing time...crazy how such a little baby can change your life so much.
So where to start.....
Madison has been growing like a weed. She is currently 13 1/2 lbs! She has gained 8 lbs in just 3 short months...so hard to believe! She is smiling a ton and just in the last couple of days she has started giggling. So cute!
We took our first family road trip to Pennsylvania to visit family. Maddie did great! We left on Thursday around 7 pm....we had fed her around 6 and then got her into the car. My goal was to at least make it to 9 pm before stopping to feed her. Well little Miss Madison had her own plan...she slept until 11 pm! We got her fed and then back on the road...next stop was at 3 am and then 6 am. We got to BJ's parent's house around 7 am. We had a great visit and the weekend went very quickly.
Our big news is that BJ is now officially deployed. My emotions are all over the place right now but I think as I get used to my new normal things will settle down.
Here are some pics to keep ya happy!
1 month old
2 months old
3 months old
Saying goodbye to Daddy
So where to start.....
Madison has been growing like a weed. She is currently 13 1/2 lbs! She has gained 8 lbs in just 3 short months...so hard to believe! She is smiling a ton and just in the last couple of days she has started giggling. So cute!
We took our first family road trip to Pennsylvania to visit family. Maddie did great! We left on Thursday around 7 pm....we had fed her around 6 and then got her into the car. My goal was to at least make it to 9 pm before stopping to feed her. Well little Miss Madison had her own plan...she slept until 11 pm! We got her fed and then back on the road...next stop was at 3 am and then 6 am. We got to BJ's parent's house around 7 am. We had a great visit and the weekend went very quickly.
Our big news is that BJ is now officially deployed. My emotions are all over the place right now but I think as I get used to my new normal things will settle down.
Here are some pics to keep ya happy!
1 month old
2 months old
3 months old
Saying goodbye to Daddy
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Madison Claire's Birth Story
I know I left you all hanging...it has been quite the week and a half. Spending a week in the hospital is tiring. I have no idea how they expect a person to get rest when they are constantly fussing over you! So anywho...here is the story of Maddie's birth.
So you already know that my water had broken at 33 weeks 4 days and that the doctors were able to stop my labor successfully and they were getting ready to induce me. So we will start there....
I got to eat breakfast that morning...and even though it was hospital food, it tasted so good. I ate every bit of food...hell I had thought about sending BJ to McD's to get me more! I knew it would be my last meal for awhile. I went with my better judgement and refrained from the McD's...my belly really was full and I had the thought that I may get sick during labor and that would not be good.
So finally it was time to move from antepartum to L&D. I walked there...which was a big deal since the only walking I was allowed at that point was from my bed to my bathroom. We got settled in and hooked up to the monitors. The doctor came in and we talked about the game plan. He was going to start the pitocin out small and go up every 30 minutes. This freaked me out but I put my trust in the doctors that they know how this med works and if it was too much they would hold the pitocin at that level or back it down a little. I kept saying to anyone who would listen that I intended to go med-free and that it was important to me. One of the nurses actually laughed and said "hardly anyone in this hospital goes natural...pretty much all of our patients get an epidural." I have to admit...this pissed me off a little and when everyone left I told BJ that I was serious about not having an epidural and that he needed to be strong for me and talk me through the rough part once we got there. Mind you...he did not make it to our first lamaze class and of course has never been present for a birth...he had no clue about what was about to happen. lol.
BJ and me right before the start of everything!
At around 12:00pm, they started the pitocin. Within about 45 minutes, I started having regular contractions...nothing awful, I was able to talk through them and sent BJ to get some lunch for himself. I was hungry. For the record...he brought back to the room a soda and a bag of M&M's and a package of Reese's PB Cups. I gave him a hard time and told him he was mean. I so wanted those PB Cups! So I spent the afternoon watching TV...all the baby shows on TLC!...and the contractions kept getting more intense as the hours passed but still nothing that I couldn't handle.
The doctor came in around 4 pm and checked me. I was 3 cm and that ticked me off! 4 freaking hours of pitocin and I had not changed a bit! Ugh! So they kept upping my pitocin...and my wonderful husband took a nap! Yes that's right...while I was dealing with contractions and getting ready to give birth to his first child...he took a nap. Complete with snoring! I was so mad but I knew he had not been sleeping well in the hospital with me. The bed that was provided is not exactly comfortable...hell the actual patient beds are not really comfy. You would think they would have the most comfortable beds ever so that the patients could get a good night's sleep but nope.
So anywho...the contractions definitely picked up and I was no longer able to talk through them. I called the nurse and asked for an exercise ball...she found me one. It was the best decision that I had made all day! I used the ball for a good 2 hours straight...I would sway back and forth during contractions and then resting in between. The nurse brought a popcicle...it was the best damn popcicle ever. And I mean ever. But what I really wanted was a cheeseburger. Damn it I was hungry!
Around 7:00pm, I was starting to get really uncomfortable so I kept changing positions...ball, standing, lying in the bed. Rinse and repeat.
At 8:15pm I had the nurse check me again. It had been 4 hours since my last check...which they were not doing a whole lot since my membranes had been ruptured since Tuesday morning. We were trying avoid infections as much as possible. I remembered what the lamaze instructor had said during the one and only class I attended and all the books I had read...I should progress at 1 cm per hour. I expected to be at least 7 cm by now...I was for sure in labor and things were getting intense. In fact at around 7 pm...BJ had asked me if this had all been normal when I would have gone to the hospital. I told me at that point I would have said let's go.
So back to my cervical check...the nurse checked me and I was at 4 cm. Yep...that's right 4 fucking centimeters! I was so angry at my body. It could not do anything right at that point. How could I be having this much pain and be at 4 cm. My attitude at that point was fuck my life. I got through a few more contractions and told BJ that I was done. I could not do this anymore. I was giving up. He asked me at one point what he could do for me. I told him to stop the pitocin, take out my IV and let's go home. I was not ready and it was too early for her to come. He told me he could not do that. I did not like him very much at that point.
Around 8:40pm I asked the nurse what my pain relief options were at that point. She said epidural (of course) or IV meds. After some discussion I decided to do some staidol. Around 8:45pm she administered the med and it definitely did it's job...I was able to sleep/relax/rest between contractions but still had to go through the actual contractions. BJ said I would pass out inbetween and then during each contraction I would wake up and say it hurt. During one contraction (one of the last before she was born) I told him I was for sure done and wanted the epidural. He told me I could do this and just breathe....and I said nope, no more. Around 9:00pm I had made my mind up...I was done with this whole labor thing and I wanted to be out of pain. I wanted the epidural. The nurse left the room to call the nurse anesthestist.
At exactly 9:04pm, I started another contraction...this time I woke up and told BJ that I needed to pee. Throughout the whold labor process I had been able to use the bathroom whenever I needed to so this was a valid request. But I followed that statement up very quickly that I needed to push. BJ freaked. He hit the nurse call button and told her that I was saying I needed to push. She came running in the check me. I was complete (10 cm dialated) and the baby's head was at +2 station...basically just about to come out. She had BJ hit the call button (as her hands were busy holding the baby's head inside me) and got the rest of the doctors in there.
They also paged the NICU team (and as I was told by the NICU nurse a few days later) and told them to come up but they could walk. About 30 seconds later they paged again and said run!
It then took 30-45 minutes to get the placenta delivered. That was so much rougher than giving birth to Maddie. The doctor had to literally put her hand up there and scrap it from the side of my uterus. Apparently it had not received the message that this pregnancy was over! But it did come out and it was intact. They also assesed me and there were no tears! Yay! I got up as soon as they would let me and used the bathroom. A little over an hour after I had her...they moved me back to antepartum. I actually walked on my own! I think I was trying to prove that I was totally okay so that I could go down to the NICU and see my beautiful daughter.
I sent my husband out to McD's for food...they had offered me a dinner but honestly it did not look good to me. I wanted a cheeseburger...and fries. So I ate as quickly as possible and we headed down to the NICU so I sould see my daughter.
She was amazing and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. BJ had to force me to leave after an hour so that I could get some rest. I could have sat in the rocking chair all night with her. It was instant love and I could no longer imagine my life without her in it. So with out further ado...here is my most precious gift.
This was taken about 3 hours after she was born. Not to brag on myself but I look pretty damn good!
So you already know that my water had broken at 33 weeks 4 days and that the doctors were able to stop my labor successfully and they were getting ready to induce me. So we will start there....
I got to eat breakfast that morning...and even though it was hospital food, it tasted so good. I ate every bit of food...hell I had thought about sending BJ to McD's to get me more! I knew it would be my last meal for awhile. I went with my better judgement and refrained from the McD's...my belly really was full and I had the thought that I may get sick during labor and that would not be good.
So finally it was time to move from antepartum to L&D. I walked there...which was a big deal since the only walking I was allowed at that point was from my bed to my bathroom. We got settled in and hooked up to the monitors. The doctor came in and we talked about the game plan. He was going to start the pitocin out small and go up every 30 minutes. This freaked me out but I put my trust in the doctors that they know how this med works and if it was too much they would hold the pitocin at that level or back it down a little. I kept saying to anyone who would listen that I intended to go med-free and that it was important to me. One of the nurses actually laughed and said "hardly anyone in this hospital goes natural...pretty much all of our patients get an epidural." I have to admit...this pissed me off a little and when everyone left I told BJ that I was serious about not having an epidural and that he needed to be strong for me and talk me through the rough part once we got there. Mind you...he did not make it to our first lamaze class and of course has never been present for a birth...he had no clue about what was about to happen. lol.
BJ and me right before the start of everything!At around 12:00pm, they started the pitocin. Within about 45 minutes, I started having regular contractions...nothing awful, I was able to talk through them and sent BJ to get some lunch for himself. I was hungry. For the record...he brought back to the room a soda and a bag of M&M's and a package of Reese's PB Cups. I gave him a hard time and told him he was mean. I so wanted those PB Cups! So I spent the afternoon watching TV...all the baby shows on TLC!...and the contractions kept getting more intense as the hours passed but still nothing that I couldn't handle.
The doctor came in around 4 pm and checked me. I was 3 cm and that ticked me off! 4 freaking hours of pitocin and I had not changed a bit! Ugh! So they kept upping my pitocin...and my wonderful husband took a nap! Yes that's right...while I was dealing with contractions and getting ready to give birth to his first child...he took a nap. Complete with snoring! I was so mad but I knew he had not been sleeping well in the hospital with me. The bed that was provided is not exactly comfortable...hell the actual patient beds are not really comfy. You would think they would have the most comfortable beds ever so that the patients could get a good night's sleep but nope.
So anywho...the contractions definitely picked up and I was no longer able to talk through them. I called the nurse and asked for an exercise ball...she found me one. It was the best decision that I had made all day! I used the ball for a good 2 hours straight...I would sway back and forth during contractions and then resting in between. The nurse brought a popcicle...it was the best damn popcicle ever. And I mean ever. But what I really wanted was a cheeseburger. Damn it I was hungry!
Around 7:00pm, I was starting to get really uncomfortable so I kept changing positions...ball, standing, lying in the bed. Rinse and repeat.
At 8:15pm I had the nurse check me again. It had been 4 hours since my last check...which they were not doing a whole lot since my membranes had been ruptured since Tuesday morning. We were trying avoid infections as much as possible. I remembered what the lamaze instructor had said during the one and only class I attended and all the books I had read...I should progress at 1 cm per hour. I expected to be at least 7 cm by now...I was for sure in labor and things were getting intense. In fact at around 7 pm...BJ had asked me if this had all been normal when I would have gone to the hospital. I told me at that point I would have said let's go.
So back to my cervical check...the nurse checked me and I was at 4 cm. Yep...that's right 4 fucking centimeters! I was so angry at my body. It could not do anything right at that point. How could I be having this much pain and be at 4 cm. My attitude at that point was fuck my life. I got through a few more contractions and told BJ that I was done. I could not do this anymore. I was giving up. He asked me at one point what he could do for me. I told him to stop the pitocin, take out my IV and let's go home. I was not ready and it was too early for her to come. He told me he could not do that. I did not like him very much at that point.
Around 8:40pm I asked the nurse what my pain relief options were at that point. She said epidural (of course) or IV meds. After some discussion I decided to do some staidol. Around 8:45pm she administered the med and it definitely did it's job...I was able to sleep/relax/rest between contractions but still had to go through the actual contractions. BJ said I would pass out inbetween and then during each contraction I would wake up and say it hurt. During one contraction (one of the last before she was born) I told him I was for sure done and wanted the epidural. He told me I could do this and just breathe....and I said nope, no more. Around 9:00pm I had made my mind up...I was done with this whole labor thing and I wanted to be out of pain. I wanted the epidural. The nurse left the room to call the nurse anesthestist.
At exactly 9:04pm, I started another contraction...this time I woke up and told BJ that I needed to pee. Throughout the whold labor process I had been able to use the bathroom whenever I needed to so this was a valid request. But I followed that statement up very quickly that I needed to push. BJ freaked. He hit the nurse call button and told her that I was saying I needed to push. She came running in the check me. I was complete (10 cm dialated) and the baby's head was at +2 station...basically just about to come out. She had BJ hit the call button (as her hands were busy holding the baby's head inside me) and got the rest of the doctors in there.
They also paged the NICU team (and as I was told by the NICU nurse a few days later) and told them to come up but they could walk. About 30 seconds later they paged again and said run!
The doctor gave me the okay to push. Two pushes and she was out! Madison Claire was born at 9:09pm...healthy and crying. That was music to our ears since she was 6 weeks early and meant(at least initially) that her lungs were mature and she would not need a whole lot of respiratory assistance. The NICU team did an initial assessment...her Apgar's were 9, 9....can't get much better than that! With in a few minutes they had wrapped her up and quickly gave me a peek at her and then whisked her up to the NICU. BJ went with her...he looked very torn though. I knew he wanted to be there with me but also wanted to go to the NICU with her. I told him to go with her.
She is here!
She is here!It then took 30-45 minutes to get the placenta delivered. That was so much rougher than giving birth to Maddie. The doctor had to literally put her hand up there and scrap it from the side of my uterus. Apparently it had not received the message that this pregnancy was over! But it did come out and it was intact. They also assesed me and there were no tears! Yay! I got up as soon as they would let me and used the bathroom. A little over an hour after I had her...they moved me back to antepartum. I actually walked on my own! I think I was trying to prove that I was totally okay so that I could go down to the NICU and see my beautiful daughter.
I sent my husband out to McD's for food...they had offered me a dinner but honestly it did not look good to me. I wanted a cheeseburger...and fries. So I ate as quickly as possible and we headed down to the NICU so I sould see my daughter.
She was amazing and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. BJ had to force me to leave after an hour so that I could get some rest. I could have sat in the rocking chair all night with her. It was instant love and I could no longer imagine my life without her in it. So with out further ado...here is my most precious gift.
This was taken about 3 hours after she was born. Not to brag on myself but I look pretty damn good!Friday, May 6, 2011
Maybe A Baby Today?
No Cinco de Mayo baby girl for us. It is 7 am and still no contractions that mean anything.
The doctor has come in and we have our plan. I love me a plan. In fact I love to have several plans. I am a planner! So here it is...
I am hanging out in the antepartum unit for at least another hour. I get to eat breakfast! Yes!!!! Then we are moving over to L&D. I will get a cervical check and we will then start pitocin. And that is the part that starts to freak me out. I am terrified of pitocin.
I have heard so many horror stories about pitocin and how awful the contractions can be. One of the OBs said at one point "oh it's not a big deal...we can just get you an epidural". Umm...I am trying to avoid that. And of course that sent me into panic...are they just going to do things regardless of what I want?
I had a birth plan before all this happened. And that is now thrown out the window. I wanted to go into labor naturally (hey I did that!!!) and I did not want any meds. I knew I could do it...I had confidence in my body. Until hell broke loose....now I am struggling with the fact that my body is not doing things the way it should be. I should not be having my baby at 34 weeks. My water should not be broken. I should not be confined to a hospital bed.
I am afraid for the potential health of our little girl. Things could be great...but then on the other hand they could be bad. We have been briefed by the neonatologist and have watched a DVD tour of the NICU. I feel confident about them and the unit and the care that Madison will receive. But I am still scared.
The doctor has come in and we have our plan. I love me a plan. In fact I love to have several plans. I am a planner! So here it is...
I am hanging out in the antepartum unit for at least another hour. I get to eat breakfast! Yes!!!! Then we are moving over to L&D. I will get a cervical check and we will then start pitocin. And that is the part that starts to freak me out. I am terrified of pitocin.
I have heard so many horror stories about pitocin and how awful the contractions can be. One of the OBs said at one point "oh it's not a big deal...we can just get you an epidural". Umm...I am trying to avoid that. And of course that sent me into panic...are they just going to do things regardless of what I want?
I had a birth plan before all this happened. And that is now thrown out the window. I wanted to go into labor naturally (hey I did that!!!) and I did not want any meds. I knew I could do it...I had confidence in my body. Until hell broke loose....now I am struggling with the fact that my body is not doing things the way it should be. I should not be having my baby at 34 weeks. My water should not be broken. I should not be confined to a hospital bed.
I am afraid for the potential health of our little girl. Things could be great...but then on the other hand they could be bad. We have been briefed by the neonatologist and have watched a DVD tour of the NICU. I feel confident about them and the unit and the care that Madison will receive. But I am still scared.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
A Long Awaited Update...
It has been for-evah since I wrote a post. I am not even sure why it has been hard to find time to blog. I do enjoy it and it gives me an outlet for all my feelings...but for some reason it has been hard.
So where have I been? What has been happening since I was last on here?
I have been trodding through pregnancy...just trucking along. April was kind of exciting because I had my baby shower, thrown by a great friend...with a bit of short notice. It was very laid back and a great chance to catch up with friends. And of course...like at most baby showers where a big group of women are together...the conversation turned to child birth and war stories. It was so fun to hear what everyone else has been through.
The only bad part of the day was that a tornado hit our area that evening. We are okay but many families lost their homes and belongings. It is a beautiful thing though to see how the military community comes together to help their own. Just simply amazing how we all just come together to get things done.
We had a laid back Easter with brunch at the O'club with friends. And then a little relaxing in the backyard. Exactly what we needed since we had a busy couple of weeks coming up. I spent part of the day thinking about how next year we would have our little girl with us and how I would dress her up and buy her first Easter basket. How we would go to church that day and then try our hands at a little egg hunting. I can't wait to have all of these firsts with her!
We (well mostly me!) went on a bit of a baby shopping spree. I got all the last little things to finish of the nursery so that we would be prepared for our little one to arrive. I got diapers and diaper cream and a changing pad. I got the last couple of decor items I needed. For some reason I was really feeling the nesting urge...I had to get these things done. I knew we would be busy with a trip to Georgia to see my cousin graduate from sub school and then I would be in the last month of my pregnancy. So I pushed to get everything done...
This past weekend we were productive around the house and then took some time on Sunday to head to the beach for the first time this year. It was a wonderfully relaxing day and just what we needed. We also got maternity photos taken on Saturday...and I can't wait to see them! BJ prepared on Sunday evening to do a field training for 3 days. He was going to be gone from Monday morning until Wednesday evening...and then we were leaving on Thursday for Georgia. So he had to get packed for both trips because he would not have time when he got home. I woke up briefly with him Monday morning and said goodbye.
I spent my Monday trying to treat my sunburned legs...umm yea I got a bit too much sun on Sunday. I ran over to the hospital on base to pick up a copy of my OB records to take on our trip...just in case...and then headed to my first lamaze class. After that I stopped at the grocery store and picked up some vinegar and milk of magnesia for some home remedies to treat my sunburn. I also stopped by McDonalds for a cheeseburger :::hangs head in shame::: which is pretty much my only pregnancy craving. And just because...I also got a cheeseburger for my puppies!
I got home and coated my legs in m.o.m. and chowed down on my burger. I watched some TV and then headed to bed. And then hell broke loose.
At 4:45 am I woke up needing to use the bathroom. This had become a norm for me since Madison had turned head down and was constantly pushing on my bladder. As I swung my feet off the bed and sat up...I felt a gush. I could not believe that I was peeing my pants...pregnancy was no longer fun at that point! Oh and thank God my husband was not home to witness this less than joyful part of pregnancy. So I waddled to the bathroom trying not to pee on our carpet and as soon as I made it to the bathroom there was another huge gush. Embarrassment set in hard.
I made it to the toilet and peed. A lot. And kept peeing. I sat there in amazement that my bladder could hold that much liquid. And did I really drink that much liquid??? But I did go to the bathroom before I went to bed. What the hell was going on? What strange bladder issue was I having?
I grabbed a towel and put it between my legs and let my dogs out to go potty themselves. They must have thought I was crazy for letting them out at that hour. I walked back upstairs and put some clean clothes on. I put clean undies on with a big ol' pad (Thanks to a friend who had given me hers that were left over from the birth of her own daughter a few months ago!) it was soaked within minutes. I used a second one before I even went back downstairs. As I was walking down the stairs...it hit me. Could it possibly be my water that broke? No way...I was only 33 weeks pregnant. That is way to early.
So here I was soaking through pads, husband not home, and trying to figure out whether or not my water broke. I called my friend Karen (her husband is a family practice doctor and has delivered babies himself) and asked what it was like when your water broke. We talked for only a couple of minutes and she said I will come pick you up. I called BJ and told him what was going on but told him not to leave his training until I got to the hospital and made sure about what was going on. I was still not 100% convinced that it was my water.
Karen got there and we headed to the hospital...I brought nothing with me other than my purse because it could not possibly be something that would require me staying at the hospital. We pulled up and I got out of the car...more gushing of fluid that streamed down my leg. Lovely. At least it was not in Karen's car! So I got wheeled to L&D Triage. I got all settled into a bed and the triage nurse checked the fluid.
Yep...it was confirmed...my water had indeed broke. I was 33 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Definitely not ideal. Amazingly I did not freak out. But the nurse started whirling around...within a minute I had an IV and was getting a shot of steroids to help mature Madison's lungs. The OB that was on-call came in and talked with me. My best option at that point was to get transported to a hospital an hour away from home. But he also told me that my own OB was on her way in to cover the floor and do a scheduled c-section. So we decided to just chill a bit while we waited for her. I had also called BJ back and told hom what was going on...he left training immediately but it took almost 2 hours for him to get there because of the crazy morning traffic to get on base.
My OB came in and she was just as shocked as I was. She had just checked me barely a week before and my cervix was closed tight. She went ahead and checked me...I was dilated to 2 cm. She checked me about 30 minutes later...because I was having regular contractions and I was at 3 cm and she could stretch me to 4 if she wanted to. Not good news...this baby girl was coming. There was a bit of a debate as to whether or not we should still transport. There was a risk that I could deliver while in transit. We decided to go ahead with it because our baby needed access to the Level 3 NICU and the Naval Hospital only has a Level 2. So off we went in the ambulance. The ride was bumpy and I was contracting every 2-3 minutes and they were getting more intense and lasting longer. At one point they turned on the lights and sirens. But we made it with me still pregnant.
I got checked in at the new hospital and the checked me again...definitely 3 cm maybe even 4. They started me on a med to stop the contractions...at this point the goal was to get me to the next steroid shot and as close to 34 weeks exactly.
So here we are today...I am 33 weeks 6 days pregnant. I have had both steroid shots and they have stopped the med to prevent contractions. We are now in a waiting game. I could go back into labor at any time...but have not as of yet. Tomorrow at exactly 34 weeks the doctors will be starting an induction. This means pitocin...which scares the crap out of me and while they are somewhat vague as to the plan after that...it looks like I will be a mommy to a preemie baby by the weekend. At this point they are more concerned with the risk of infection than her being born early. But I am on antibiotics to prevent infections so that is good.
I am still in complete shock that I will have a baby in a matter of days or hours. I was supposed to be pregnant until June. I was concerned about the fact that I washed onesies that were for a baby 5-8 lbs and thought there was no way she would ever wear them and it was a waste of money. I actually thought that I should return them because of that. I guess not.
So where have I been? What has been happening since I was last on here?
I have been trodding through pregnancy...just trucking along. April was kind of exciting because I had my baby shower, thrown by a great friend...with a bit of short notice. It was very laid back and a great chance to catch up with friends. And of course...like at most baby showers where a big group of women are together...the conversation turned to child birth and war stories. It was so fun to hear what everyone else has been through.
The only bad part of the day was that a tornado hit our area that evening. We are okay but many families lost their homes and belongings. It is a beautiful thing though to see how the military community comes together to help their own. Just simply amazing how we all just come together to get things done.
We had a laid back Easter with brunch at the O'club with friends. And then a little relaxing in the backyard. Exactly what we needed since we had a busy couple of weeks coming up. I spent part of the day thinking about how next year we would have our little girl with us and how I would dress her up and buy her first Easter basket. How we would go to church that day and then try our hands at a little egg hunting. I can't wait to have all of these firsts with her!
We (well mostly me!) went on a bit of a baby shopping spree. I got all the last little things to finish of the nursery so that we would be prepared for our little one to arrive. I got diapers and diaper cream and a changing pad. I got the last couple of decor items I needed. For some reason I was really feeling the nesting urge...I had to get these things done. I knew we would be busy with a trip to Georgia to see my cousin graduate from sub school and then I would be in the last month of my pregnancy. So I pushed to get everything done...
This past weekend we were productive around the house and then took some time on Sunday to head to the beach for the first time this year. It was a wonderfully relaxing day and just what we needed. We also got maternity photos taken on Saturday...and I can't wait to see them! BJ prepared on Sunday evening to do a field training for 3 days. He was going to be gone from Monday morning until Wednesday evening...and then we were leaving on Thursday for Georgia. So he had to get packed for both trips because he would not have time when he got home. I woke up briefly with him Monday morning and said goodbye.
I spent my Monday trying to treat my sunburned legs...umm yea I got a bit too much sun on Sunday. I ran over to the hospital on base to pick up a copy of my OB records to take on our trip...just in case...and then headed to my first lamaze class. After that I stopped at the grocery store and picked up some vinegar and milk of magnesia for some home remedies to treat my sunburn. I also stopped by McDonalds for a cheeseburger :::hangs head in shame::: which is pretty much my only pregnancy craving. And just because...I also got a cheeseburger for my puppies!
I got home and coated my legs in m.o.m. and chowed down on my burger. I watched some TV and then headed to bed. And then hell broke loose.
At 4:45 am I woke up needing to use the bathroom. This had become a norm for me since Madison had turned head down and was constantly pushing on my bladder. As I swung my feet off the bed and sat up...I felt a gush. I could not believe that I was peeing my pants...pregnancy was no longer fun at that point! Oh and thank God my husband was not home to witness this less than joyful part of pregnancy. So I waddled to the bathroom trying not to pee on our carpet and as soon as I made it to the bathroom there was another huge gush. Embarrassment set in hard.
I made it to the toilet and peed. A lot. And kept peeing. I sat there in amazement that my bladder could hold that much liquid. And did I really drink that much liquid??? But I did go to the bathroom before I went to bed. What the hell was going on? What strange bladder issue was I having?
I grabbed a towel and put it between my legs and let my dogs out to go potty themselves. They must have thought I was crazy for letting them out at that hour. I walked back upstairs and put some clean clothes on. I put clean undies on with a big ol' pad (Thanks to a friend who had given me hers that were left over from the birth of her own daughter a few months ago!) it was soaked within minutes. I used a second one before I even went back downstairs. As I was walking down the stairs...it hit me. Could it possibly be my water that broke? No way...I was only 33 weeks pregnant. That is way to early.
So here I was soaking through pads, husband not home, and trying to figure out whether or not my water broke. I called my friend Karen (her husband is a family practice doctor and has delivered babies himself) and asked what it was like when your water broke. We talked for only a couple of minutes and she said I will come pick you up. I called BJ and told him what was going on but told him not to leave his training until I got to the hospital and made sure about what was going on. I was still not 100% convinced that it was my water.
Karen got there and we headed to the hospital...I brought nothing with me other than my purse because it could not possibly be something that would require me staying at the hospital. We pulled up and I got out of the car...more gushing of fluid that streamed down my leg. Lovely. At least it was not in Karen's car! So I got wheeled to L&D Triage. I got all settled into a bed and the triage nurse checked the fluid.
Yep...it was confirmed...my water had indeed broke. I was 33 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Definitely not ideal. Amazingly I did not freak out. But the nurse started whirling around...within a minute I had an IV and was getting a shot of steroids to help mature Madison's lungs. The OB that was on-call came in and talked with me. My best option at that point was to get transported to a hospital an hour away from home. But he also told me that my own OB was on her way in to cover the floor and do a scheduled c-section. So we decided to just chill a bit while we waited for her. I had also called BJ back and told hom what was going on...he left training immediately but it took almost 2 hours for him to get there because of the crazy morning traffic to get on base.
My OB came in and she was just as shocked as I was. She had just checked me barely a week before and my cervix was closed tight. She went ahead and checked me...I was dilated to 2 cm. She checked me about 30 minutes later...because I was having regular contractions and I was at 3 cm and she could stretch me to 4 if she wanted to. Not good news...this baby girl was coming. There was a bit of a debate as to whether or not we should still transport. There was a risk that I could deliver while in transit. We decided to go ahead with it because our baby needed access to the Level 3 NICU and the Naval Hospital only has a Level 2. So off we went in the ambulance. The ride was bumpy and I was contracting every 2-3 minutes and they were getting more intense and lasting longer. At one point they turned on the lights and sirens. But we made it with me still pregnant.
I got checked in at the new hospital and the checked me again...definitely 3 cm maybe even 4. They started me on a med to stop the contractions...at this point the goal was to get me to the next steroid shot and as close to 34 weeks exactly.
So here we are today...I am 33 weeks 6 days pregnant. I have had both steroid shots and they have stopped the med to prevent contractions. We are now in a waiting game. I could go back into labor at any time...but have not as of yet. Tomorrow at exactly 34 weeks the doctors will be starting an induction. This means pitocin...which scares the crap out of me and while they are somewhat vague as to the plan after that...it looks like I will be a mommy to a preemie baby by the weekend. At this point they are more concerned with the risk of infection than her being born early. But I am on antibiotics to prevent infections so that is good.
I am still in complete shock that I will have a baby in a matter of days or hours. I was supposed to be pregnant until June. I was concerned about the fact that I washed onesies that were for a baby 5-8 lbs and thought there was no way she would ever wear them and it was a waste of money. I actually thought that I should return them because of that. I guess not.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Good News And Bad News
It has been an interesting couple of weeks around here. I totally forgot to do my weekly update last Friday...and to be honest I am thinking of stopping it. Things are really not going to change much over the next 11 weeks until I actually have this baby. So I think instead of weekly updates I will just include a "how am I doing"in posts here and there. So as of right now...I am doing good. I am still on target with my weight gain. I weighed myself last Friday and I was +8 total...yesterday I weighed myself and I was at +6. My goal has always been about 20 lbs and it seems like I am target for that. Baby is moving around a ton and seems to like to stretch out. Ouch!
So my good news.....
I have officially passed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I do not have gestational diabetes! That is a huge relief for me. I did fail one of the blood draws but you have to fail at least 2 to be diagnosed with GD. Phew!
I also had my ultrasound to check on my low-lying placenta. It has moved! It was about 1 cm away from cervix at the anatomy scan (it needs to be at least 2 cm away) and now it is over 9 cm away. Yay! This means that I do not have to have a planned c-section. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This little girl is also weighing in at 3 lbs and 1 oz...right on track in the 63rd percentile.
She is also a stubborn little girl already. As with all of the previous u/s...she was very still in there. She literally turns into a statue and the only way you know she is okay is that you can see/hear her heart beating. The only move she made the whole time was to shake head back and forth like she was saying no when the u/s tech took a break for a minute and then started again. It made it very difficult to get pictures of her face and left us with some pretty craptastic pics. I am not even sure there are fit for public viewing! She and I are going to have a long talk when she gets here about how much she will be getting her picture taken. lol.
So onto the bad news....
We found out earlier this week that BJ will be deploying sometime in the fall. We don't have any specific dates nor will I will giving them out once we do know. But he will be playing in a giant sandbox for about 6-7 months. We knew this was coming so it is not a surprise by any means. He volunteered to go and I am so proud of him for doing that. He was giddy when he told me...although I know there is that part of him that is sad that he will miss seeing Maddie grow and change as an infant. The best part of it is that I have a great support system here. Our friends have been there/done that and have already said that they will be there to help us out no matter what. That is my favorite thing about being a military family! You have instant friends who know what you are going through. Even though our families will be there for us...they really don't know what it is like.
So he might get a deployment buddy as well. One of our friends might be deploying during the same time...to the same place. I think that would be awesome for both of them to have a friend there that you can hang out with during down times and I will have that friend's wife to hang out with here. Another friend's husband is getting ready to deploy very soon as well and he will be over there during the same time...lots of friends going through all the same feelings.
So all in all...lots of exciting news and changes going on in our house over the next 6-12 months!
So my good news.....
I have officially passed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I do not have gestational diabetes! That is a huge relief for me. I did fail one of the blood draws but you have to fail at least 2 to be diagnosed with GD. Phew!
I also had my ultrasound to check on my low-lying placenta. It has moved! It was about 1 cm away from cervix at the anatomy scan (it needs to be at least 2 cm away) and now it is over 9 cm away. Yay! This means that I do not have to have a planned c-section. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This little girl is also weighing in at 3 lbs and 1 oz...right on track in the 63rd percentile.
She is also a stubborn little girl already. As with all of the previous u/s...she was very still in there. She literally turns into a statue and the only way you know she is okay is that you can see/hear her heart beating. The only move she made the whole time was to shake head back and forth like she was saying no when the u/s tech took a break for a minute and then started again. It made it very difficult to get pictures of her face and left us with some pretty craptastic pics. I am not even sure there are fit for public viewing! She and I are going to have a long talk when she gets here about how much she will be getting her picture taken. lol.
So onto the bad news....
We found out earlier this week that BJ will be deploying sometime in the fall. We don't have any specific dates nor will I will giving them out once we do know. But he will be playing in a giant sandbox for about 6-7 months. We knew this was coming so it is not a surprise by any means. He volunteered to go and I am so proud of him for doing that. He was giddy when he told me...although I know there is that part of him that is sad that he will miss seeing Maddie grow and change as an infant. The best part of it is that I have a great support system here. Our friends have been there/done that and have already said that they will be there to help us out no matter what. That is my favorite thing about being a military family! You have instant friends who know what you are going through. Even though our families will be there for us...they really don't know what it is like.
So he might get a deployment buddy as well. One of our friends might be deploying during the same time...to the same place. I think that would be awesome for both of them to have a friend there that you can hang out with during down times and I will have that friend's wife to hang out with here. Another friend's husband is getting ready to deploy very soon as well and he will be over there during the same time...lots of friends going through all the same feelings.
So all in all...lots of exciting news and changes going on in our house over the next 6-12 months!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Weekly Update!
How Far Along: 27 weeks and 1 day! Hello 3rd trimester!
How Big is The Baby: According to most websites, she weighs about 2 lbs and is about 14-15 inches long.
Total Weight Gain: +7 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Yes...and I am missing some of my regular clothes!
Sleep: Pretty much the same...although I noticed in the last couple of days that I am back to waking up in the middle of the night to pee. Joy.
GENDER: It's a girl! And I hope it does not change because we have done lots of prep for a girl and I am not sure our son would enjoy a pink room. LOL!
Movement: Lots of movement going on now...and BJ is able to feel her move pretty regularly. So cool!
Food Cravings: Pretty much the same as before...
What I Miss: I was bummed to not be able to enjoy a Guinness on St. Paddy's Day....but I will get over it.
What I'm looking forward to: Follow up ultrasound is this coming week...this will also be a growth scan since I am measuring 3 weeks ahead.
Milestones: We have entered the 3rd trimester...only 13 weeks to go!
Symptoms: Still the same...pelvic bone hurts, I have heartburn. Yay!
How Big is The Baby: According to most websites, she weighs about 2 lbs and is about 14-15 inches long.
Total Weight Gain: +7 pounds
Maternity Clothes: Yes...and I am missing some of my regular clothes!
Sleep: Pretty much the same...although I noticed in the last couple of days that I am back to waking up in the middle of the night to pee. Joy.
GENDER: It's a girl! And I hope it does not change because we have done lots of prep for a girl and I am not sure our son would enjoy a pink room. LOL!
Movement: Lots of movement going on now...and BJ is able to feel her move pretty regularly. So cool!
Food Cravings: Pretty much the same as before...
What I Miss: I was bummed to not be able to enjoy a Guinness on St. Paddy's Day....but I will get over it.
What I'm looking forward to: Follow up ultrasound is this coming week...this will also be a growth scan since I am measuring 3 weeks ahead.
Milestones: We have entered the 3rd trimester...only 13 weeks to go!
Symptoms: Still the same...pelvic bone hurts, I have heartburn. Yay!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Routine
While we were out last night for our normal Wednesday night happy hour and dinner, we saw a friend (he is active duty) whose wife is currently working out of town. It got me to thinking...how would our spouses who are active duty; and are normally the ones leaving us at home, do if the roles were reversed?
For my own personal situation...I think the hubby would do okay. While we have yet to go through an actual deployment, we have spent some time apart...not a lot but some. Really the longest we have gone without seeing each other was when he went to ODS. He was gone for 5 weeks...and to be honest, it went fast and (gasp!) I did not miss him too much. (Don't get me wrong...I did miss him but I was never distraught. Well except for when I got in an accident that totaled my car...2 days after he left...and then almost killed our dogs 2 days after that. Take those away and I was perfectly normal!)
So back to the hubby....
My husband is quite possibly every wife's dream. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, he does yardwork. If I was not here for more than a month I would come home to a clean house and he certainly would have made most of his own meals. As much as he loves me...he would be totally okay without me around for a period of time. Does that sound bad? Each of us could be perfectly fine by ourselves for well over a month....weird. But I do realize how lucky I am to have him as my husband. If it was not for him during this pregnancy, we would starve or be spending a crazy amount of money on take out. I am not a cook...never claimed to be....and well, he loves to cook. And no his meals do not just consist of mac and cheese or pb&j. He makes things like filets with grilled onions and blue cheese, chicken francese, veal marsala and let's not get me started on his risotto. Yum!
He is way more picky...some would say anal or obsessive...about how the house looks. Truly, I am a bit of a clean freak...I like things to be straightened up. But my wonderful hubby takes things to a whole new level. He literally cannot leave the house if it is messy. And when he gets on a roll (we refer to this a Hurricane BJ)...you really just have to get out of his way. I will honest...when he is in this mode...I stay out of the way. It makes me look really lazy but if I interfere he gets frustrated.
I relay this story frequently to our friends of the 2+ years that I did not vacuum.
We were spending part of a Saturday cleaning our tiny apartment and we were both working in different areas. I had finished what I was doing and pulled out the vacuum to start on that. He stopped dead in his tracks and asked what I was doing. I told him that I was getting ready to vacuum the carpets. He got really defensive and said that he was going to vacuum and told me not to do it. I looked at him with a puzzled look and we went back and forth for a minute about which one of us was going to vacuum. In the end I wound the cord back up and put the vacuum back...I then told him "that is the last time you will see me touch that vacuum." Technically I never did touch that particular vacuum ever again because by the time I did any other vacuuming...we had gotten a new one! And I have to say...he was completely okay with that. Now he latest thing is that he likes to mop the floors. I was going to do it one day and he said "no I am going to do it." I have learned to just throw my hands up and let him do it. Life is just easier that way.
So yeah...knowing all of that...I think if I were the one that deployed, he would be more than okay. Hell, I even think he could handle all of that and a infant! He is just awesome like that. :)
For my own personal situation...I think the hubby would do okay. While we have yet to go through an actual deployment, we have spent some time apart...not a lot but some. Really the longest we have gone without seeing each other was when he went to ODS. He was gone for 5 weeks...and to be honest, it went fast and (gasp!) I did not miss him too much. (Don't get me wrong...I did miss him but I was never distraught. Well except for when I got in an accident that totaled my car...2 days after he left...and then almost killed our dogs 2 days after that. Take those away and I was perfectly normal!)
So back to the hubby....
My husband is quite possibly every wife's dream. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry, he does yardwork. If I was not here for more than a month I would come home to a clean house and he certainly would have made most of his own meals. As much as he loves me...he would be totally okay without me around for a period of time. Does that sound bad? Each of us could be perfectly fine by ourselves for well over a month....weird. But I do realize how lucky I am to have him as my husband. If it was not for him during this pregnancy, we would starve or be spending a crazy amount of money on take out. I am not a cook...never claimed to be....and well, he loves to cook. And no his meals do not just consist of mac and cheese or pb&j. He makes things like filets with grilled onions and blue cheese, chicken francese, veal marsala and let's not get me started on his risotto. Yum!
He is way more picky...some would say anal or obsessive...about how the house looks. Truly, I am a bit of a clean freak...I like things to be straightened up. But my wonderful hubby takes things to a whole new level. He literally cannot leave the house if it is messy. And when he gets on a roll (we refer to this a Hurricane BJ)...you really just have to get out of his way. I will honest...when he is in this mode...I stay out of the way. It makes me look really lazy but if I interfere he gets frustrated.
I relay this story frequently to our friends of the 2+ years that I did not vacuum.
We were spending part of a Saturday cleaning our tiny apartment and we were both working in different areas. I had finished what I was doing and pulled out the vacuum to start on that. He stopped dead in his tracks and asked what I was doing. I told him that I was getting ready to vacuum the carpets. He got really defensive and said that he was going to vacuum and told me not to do it. I looked at him with a puzzled look and we went back and forth for a minute about which one of us was going to vacuum. In the end I wound the cord back up and put the vacuum back...I then told him "that is the last time you will see me touch that vacuum." Technically I never did touch that particular vacuum ever again because by the time I did any other vacuuming...we had gotten a new one! And I have to say...he was completely okay with that. Now he latest thing is that he likes to mop the floors. I was going to do it one day and he said "no I am going to do it." I have learned to just throw my hands up and let him do it. Life is just easier that way.
So yeah...knowing all of that...I think if I were the one that deployed, he would be more than okay. Hell, I even think he could handle all of that and a infant! He is just awesome like that. :)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Can You Say Lots Of Driving?
I just got done adding up the milage for all my trips back and forth from Womack. For the record it is about 115 miles each way. Let me start by saying I spent a lot of time on the road. I know the way from here to Womack like the back of my hand. And I am forever indebted to Dr. P and Nurse D for helping to get me pregnant. If I had to do it all over again, I would.
So the grand total of miles traveled is...................
5060 miles!!!!
Holy smokes that is a lot of driving. That was 22 round trips there and back. I sure hope that will help us out on taxes...maybe adding that to our $14,000 worth of medical expenses will put us over the edge!
So the grand total of miles traveled is...................
5060 miles!!!!
Holy smokes that is a lot of driving. That was 22 round trips there and back. I sure hope that will help us out on taxes...maybe adding that to our $14,000 worth of medical expenses will put us over the edge!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
You Are Kidding Right?
Okay quickly...because I forgot to update on Friday...I am still trucking along. I am up officially 6 pounds (7 by the OB's office). Maddie is moving like crazy now...and BJ got to feel her move! My OB appt was good and bad...I am doing great with weight gain and HBP but I am measuring 3 weeks ahead and the OB is concerned (going to get to that in a minute). My pubic bone is still hurting me but the brace helps somewhat. BJ and I took the pups for a walk last night and I wore the brace...I still was in pain but I can't imagine how much it would have hurt had I not been wearing it. So onto the big news....
Like I said, I measured 3 weeks ahead at my OB appt. Most of the time it would not be a huge red flag but with having done IVF...my EDD is exact and not a guess. We know exactly how far along I am, there is no guessing. When Dr. E. looked back at all my ultrasound scans and never once has this little girl measured big. In fact at my anatomy scan she was measuring spot on! So what does all this mean? It is a indicator of gestational diabetes. Well...crap.
To be honest, I have at least 3 risk factors. I was overweight before getting pregnant, my mom is a Type 2 diabetic, and I am over 35. I am blaming myself a bit...I should have lost weight (and lots of it) before I started my IVF procedures. I wish we would have started sooner.
So here are the details...at my appt last week (the one where I was measuring 3 weeks ahead) my OB said that she wanted me to get my glucose test done. Sooner rather than later were her exact words. As we were walking out of the exam room, she asked when I was going to get it done. I tentatively said "this week?"...she said "good." So on Thursday, I had some time to kill in the afternoon so I decided to run up to the hospital and do it. I was not thrilled by any means...I mean really it is voluntarily getting stuck with a needle. We all know that I am not a fan. At all.
So I drank my lovely glucola (yum orange flavor...notice the sarcasm here.) and waited my required hour. When the time was up I got my blood drawn...and yes I cried like a baby. As soon as my behind got in that chair. And to make it oh so much better...there were about 8 corpsmen watching me cry like a baby. Fabulous.
I was going to just wait it out until my OB called with the results by a friend of ours said the results should be available with a day or so. So I called yesterday to get the results and the nurse willingly provided them to me. My level came back at 140. Now prior to getting these results I (of course) googled GD. It seemed that some cutoffs were 130 or 135 but most seemed to be around 140. So when I heard that number I knew it was not good. So I asked to leave a message for my doctor.
Yesterday evening I got the call from Dr. E. and she confirmed that the cutoff at Navy Hospital is 140...and I am right at that cusp. She decided that since I am measuring big and my number is so close...she wants me to do the 3 hour test. This involves fasting the night before and then going to the lab first thing in the morning. I get 4 blood draws and have to stay there the entire 3 hours. Great. This lab is going to never want to see me again. Oh and in case you were wondering...they cannot just do a heplock IV line and draw from there.
I hate needles.
On a positive note...Dr. E. does not want this test done until I am at least 28 weeks...so I have about a 2 week reprieve. Phew! Although that gives me 2 weeks to stress about it.
Like I said, I measured 3 weeks ahead at my OB appt. Most of the time it would not be a huge red flag but with having done IVF...my EDD is exact and not a guess. We know exactly how far along I am, there is no guessing. When Dr. E. looked back at all my ultrasound scans and never once has this little girl measured big. In fact at my anatomy scan she was measuring spot on! So what does all this mean? It is a indicator of gestational diabetes. Well...crap.
To be honest, I have at least 3 risk factors. I was overweight before getting pregnant, my mom is a Type 2 diabetic, and I am over 35. I am blaming myself a bit...I should have lost weight (and lots of it) before I started my IVF procedures. I wish we would have started sooner.
So here are the details...at my appt last week (the one where I was measuring 3 weeks ahead) my OB said that she wanted me to get my glucose test done. Sooner rather than later were her exact words. As we were walking out of the exam room, she asked when I was going to get it done. I tentatively said "this week?"...she said "good." So on Thursday, I had some time to kill in the afternoon so I decided to run up to the hospital and do it. I was not thrilled by any means...I mean really it is voluntarily getting stuck with a needle. We all know that I am not a fan. At all.
So I drank my lovely glucola (yum orange flavor...notice the sarcasm here.) and waited my required hour. When the time was up I got my blood drawn...and yes I cried like a baby. As soon as my behind got in that chair. And to make it oh so much better...there were about 8 corpsmen watching me cry like a baby. Fabulous.
I was going to just wait it out until my OB called with the results by a friend of ours said the results should be available with a day or so. So I called yesterday to get the results and the nurse willingly provided them to me. My level came back at 140. Now prior to getting these results I (of course) googled GD. It seemed that some cutoffs were 130 or 135 but most seemed to be around 140. So when I heard that number I knew it was not good. So I asked to leave a message for my doctor.
Yesterday evening I got the call from Dr. E. and she confirmed that the cutoff at Navy Hospital is 140...and I am right at that cusp. She decided that since I am measuring big and my number is so close...she wants me to do the 3 hour test. This involves fasting the night before and then going to the lab first thing in the morning. I get 4 blood draws and have to stay there the entire 3 hours. Great. This lab is going to never want to see me again. Oh and in case you were wondering...they cannot just do a heplock IV line and draw from there.
I hate needles.
On a positive note...Dr. E. does not want this test done until I am at least 28 weeks...so I have about a 2 week reprieve. Phew! Although that gives me 2 weeks to stress about it.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Time For The Weekly Update
It's Friday and it's weekly update time! I have had quite the week when it comes to pain. I was finally able to get in with my OB yesterday and after lots of q&a and a brief exam, she told me I have pelvic symphsis separation. All I can say about it is OUCH! There is not much they can do other than me giving birth. Um...yea...don't want to do that for another 13-15 weeks. So anywho, it is is what it is and I will figure out a way to get through it. I can do this right?
How Far Along: 25 weeks today
How Big is The Baby: She is weighing about 1 3/4 lbs...and she has gained about an inch in length.
Total Weight Gain: +5 pounds
Maternity Clothes: yep! And a pregnancy support belt ;)
Sleep: Actually it has been better this week...I bought a special pillow that is supposed to help!
GENDER: It's a girl!
Movement: Lots more movement this week, but she still goes completely motionless when BJ puts his hand on my belly. He likes to think that she just loves her daddy already and does not want to kick him. lol
Food Cravings: Cheeseburgers! OMG I could eat one every day.
What I Miss: I am missing my regular clothes...as the weather is getting warmer around here, I see my normal clothes hanging in my closet and I am kind of bummed to not be able to wear them.
What I'm looking forward to: I have my next OB early in the week...yay! We also have a busy month of March with all kinds of social events...wine tasting (aka food tasting for me), basket bingo, St. Pat's party and a couple of others!
Milestones: No big milestones this week.
Symptoms:I have been official diagnosised with pelvic symphysis separation...not fun and not much to be done to help it.
How Far Along: 25 weeks today
How Big is The Baby: She is weighing about 1 3/4 lbs...and she has gained about an inch in length.
Total Weight Gain: +5 pounds
Maternity Clothes: yep! And a pregnancy support belt ;)
Sleep: Actually it has been better this week...I bought a special pillow that is supposed to help!
GENDER: It's a girl!
Movement: Lots more movement this week, but she still goes completely motionless when BJ puts his hand on my belly. He likes to think that she just loves her daddy already and does not want to kick him. lol
Food Cravings: Cheeseburgers! OMG I could eat one every day.
What I Miss: I am missing my regular clothes...as the weather is getting warmer around here, I see my normal clothes hanging in my closet and I am kind of bummed to not be able to wear them.
What I'm looking forward to: I have my next OB early in the week...yay! We also have a busy month of March with all kinds of social events...wine tasting (aka food tasting for me), basket bingo, St. Pat's party and a couple of others!
Milestones: No big milestones this week.
Symptoms:I have been official diagnosised with pelvic symphysis separation...not fun and not much to be done to help it.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I Want Another Baby
...not one to replace this precious girl that is growing inside of me right now but a sibling for her.
I have struggled with this feeling since our ET. We only had our one little Nemo to put back. The chances that we would have more than one baby from that one embryo was very slim. Hell the chance that I would actually get pregnant was extremely slim. So why I am not just happy with that? I mean I am...but I'm not.
I feel sad that Madison will grow up as an only child. She will never know what her dad and I had with our siblings. Will she resent us? Will she blame me for not having a brother or sister? The answers to those questions terrify me.
My sadness turns to jealousy though. I am jealous of those that were able to put 2 or 3 embryos back and are now pregnant with more than one baby. I am jealous of those that have frozen embryos to use in the future. I am jealous of those that are younger and have years of chances to have more children. I am jealous of those that get pregnant so easily.
My reality is that I am 38 years old...not sure if I have ever given my exact age here...and time is slipping away from me. My husband is not really on board with doing more IVF's to have a second child. Mainly because of how difficult it was to get here...I just don't produce many eggs and out of 3 (well kind of 2 1/2) cycles we only had 8 eggs retrieved and only 2 embryos that made it to transfer. Not very good odds at all. And by the time I get to the point where we are ready to go through another IVF cycle, I will be at least 39. Let's get real...there is no way that I will try to get pregnant before Madison turns 1. Even if I did it a bit earlier...it certainly would not be before she is 6 months old. This makes me sad.
I wish all the time that we had more than our 1 embryo to put back. Of course that doesn't mean I would be pregnant with multiples...it is all just a crap shoot. But we would have had a chance. There are times that it is so hard to hear about those that are having twins...I am jealous. And don't even get me started about finding out that they are having a boy and a girl. That crushes me.
I wish that we had frozen embryos to use later on. I have none. I was lucky that we had 1 embryo even make it to transfer and that it stuck. I would give my left arm to have even just 1 embryo waiting for me on ice. But nothing. Nada. Zip. And to be honest this one pisses me off. Not at anyone in particular but at myself. Why couldn't my body produce tons of eggs? Why is that someone else, on a lesser amount of stims ends up with 20-something eggs? And out of that number they have double digit embryos to choose from and they are still woe-is-me? Fuck them.
Um...that was nasty...sorry.
I hate that I am 38 and my fertility is crappy. I wish I could go back in time. Back to when I had years of possible fertility ahead of me. I want to be able to have this baby and try for another one in a couple of years. Hell I would do it even at this age if my chances were better. But they are not. And I am never going to be young again.
I try really hard to not dwell on things that I have no control over. I know that I should feel very blessed to have this one beautiful little girl in my life. I am. I really am. I just love her so much already that I want to have another one.
I have struggled with this feeling since our ET. We only had our one little Nemo to put back. The chances that we would have more than one baby from that one embryo was very slim. Hell the chance that I would actually get pregnant was extremely slim. So why I am not just happy with that? I mean I am...but I'm not.
I feel sad that Madison will grow up as an only child. She will never know what her dad and I had with our siblings. Will she resent us? Will she blame me for not having a brother or sister? The answers to those questions terrify me.
My sadness turns to jealousy though. I am jealous of those that were able to put 2 or 3 embryos back and are now pregnant with more than one baby. I am jealous of those that have frozen embryos to use in the future. I am jealous of those that are younger and have years of chances to have more children. I am jealous of those that get pregnant so easily.
My reality is that I am 38 years old...not sure if I have ever given my exact age here...and time is slipping away from me. My husband is not really on board with doing more IVF's to have a second child. Mainly because of how difficult it was to get here...I just don't produce many eggs and out of 3 (well kind of 2 1/2) cycles we only had 8 eggs retrieved and only 2 embryos that made it to transfer. Not very good odds at all. And by the time I get to the point where we are ready to go through another IVF cycle, I will be at least 39. Let's get real...there is no way that I will try to get pregnant before Madison turns 1. Even if I did it a bit earlier...it certainly would not be before she is 6 months old. This makes me sad.
I wish all the time that we had more than our 1 embryo to put back. Of course that doesn't mean I would be pregnant with multiples...it is all just a crap shoot. But we would have had a chance. There are times that it is so hard to hear about those that are having twins...I am jealous. And don't even get me started about finding out that they are having a boy and a girl. That crushes me.
I wish that we had frozen embryos to use later on. I have none. I was lucky that we had 1 embryo even make it to transfer and that it stuck. I would give my left arm to have even just 1 embryo waiting for me on ice. But nothing. Nada. Zip. And to be honest this one pisses me off. Not at anyone in particular but at myself. Why couldn't my body produce tons of eggs? Why is that someone else, on a lesser amount of stims ends up with 20-something eggs? And out of that number they have double digit embryos to choose from and they are still woe-is-me? Fuck them.
Um...that was nasty...sorry.
I hate that I am 38 and my fertility is crappy. I wish I could go back in time. Back to when I had years of possible fertility ahead of me. I want to be able to have this baby and try for another one in a couple of years. Hell I would do it even at this age if my chances were better. But they are not. And I am never going to be young again.
I try really hard to not dwell on things that I have no control over. I know that I should feel very blessed to have this one beautiful little girl in my life. I am. I really am. I just love her so much already that I want to have another one.
Monday, February 28, 2011
My Birth Plan
I have an idea of what I want to happen when I give birth to my daughter. I also realize that things don't always go as planned...
I have a terrible fear of needles. Have you read any of my posts during my IVF cycles? It took a ton of strength and willpower for me to give myself twice daily injections for 2 weeks straight and then to follow up with a fantastic trigger shot to the ass. I loved it! (Insert rolling eyes here...) And because I have this fear...I want to avoid any and all needles that I can while in labor.
Obviously, some needles cannot be avoided while in labor or giving birth to a baby. If I have to have a c-section, it is inevitable. I'm not that crazy to think that one could go through that without any needles. Duh! But I do not want an epidural if I don't need one. And I will be honest...I am terrified of having one. Like scared shitless!
I can totally do this! I know that....without a doubt. But most people seem to disagree. I have no problem with those that have had epidurals...I guess it is just my normal "to each their own" attitude. I try really hard to not judge others decisions in their own life. I just wish people would do the same for me. I cannot tell you how many other women have said "you have to get an epidural" like I don't have any other option. I do try to defend myself but mostly it is just answered with "you cannot give birth without it" or "there is no way you will be able to handle the pain". My new comeback is "well, when you give birth to my child...you can get your epidural". Period. End of subject.
My husband supports my decision and knows that I am free to change my mind at any point. And he knows that when I say I want an epidural that I am not being weak or ready to give up. It means that I am serious and things have changed for me.
I have a terrible fear of needles. Have you read any of my posts during my IVF cycles? It took a ton of strength and willpower for me to give myself twice daily injections for 2 weeks straight and then to follow up with a fantastic trigger shot to the ass. I loved it! (Insert rolling eyes here...) And because I have this fear...I want to avoid any and all needles that I can while in labor.
Obviously, some needles cannot be avoided while in labor or giving birth to a baby. If I have to have a c-section, it is inevitable. I'm not that crazy to think that one could go through that without any needles. Duh! But I do not want an epidural if I don't need one. And I will be honest...I am terrified of having one. Like scared shitless!
I can totally do this! I know that....without a doubt. But most people seem to disagree. I have no problem with those that have had epidurals...I guess it is just my normal "to each their own" attitude. I try really hard to not judge others decisions in their own life. I just wish people would do the same for me. I cannot tell you how many other women have said "you have to get an epidural" like I don't have any other option. I do try to defend myself but mostly it is just answered with "you cannot give birth without it" or "there is no way you will be able to handle the pain". My new comeback is "well, when you give birth to my child...you can get your epidural". Period. End of subject.
My husband supports my decision and knows that I am free to change my mind at any point. And he knows that when I say I want an epidural that I am not being weak or ready to give up. It means that I am serious and things have changed for me.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Weekly Update!
How Far Along: 24 weeks (and 1 day)
How Big is The Baby: She is weighing about 1 1/2 lbs...length varies from source to source but still anywhere from 8-12 inches.
Total Weight Gain: +3pounds
Maternity Clothes: yep!
Sleep: Not sleeping that great...I am struggling with some pain from my pelvic bones being out of alignment
GENDER: It's a girl!!!
Movement: Still feel her every day...so far BJ has not been able to feel her move though.
Food Cravings: No true cravings this week...but when I get hungry, it's serious!
What I Miss: I would love to kick back with a glass of wine right now.
What I'm looking forward to: I am really hoping my OB can get me hooked up with a chiropractor and fix my pelvic bones. :/
Milestones: At 24 weeks...baby girl has a 50% chance of surviving if born now. It is referred to as Viability Day!
Symptoms: I have been having terrible pain in my pubic bone area. The only way to describe it would be the feeling of having lots of crazy, wild sex...which I have not had. There is no comfortable position...sitting, standing, lying down all hurt to some degree. My OB (who happens to have a D.O. medical degree) adjusted me last week. My hip bones were off by 2 inches! It felt a bit better as far as immediate walking but the pain never really went away. I finally called yesterday after suffering through this another week and she is trying to get me in with a chiropractor to have weekly adjustments. What sucks the most is that the only thing I can take is Tylenol.
How Big is The Baby: She is weighing about 1 1/2 lbs...length varies from source to source but still anywhere from 8-12 inches.
Total Weight Gain: +3pounds
Maternity Clothes: yep!
Sleep: Not sleeping that great...I am struggling with some pain from my pelvic bones being out of alignment
GENDER: It's a girl!!!
Movement: Still feel her every day...so far BJ has not been able to feel her move though.
Food Cravings: No true cravings this week...but when I get hungry, it's serious!
What I Miss: I would love to kick back with a glass of wine right now.
What I'm looking forward to: I am really hoping my OB can get me hooked up with a chiropractor and fix my pelvic bones. :/
Milestones: At 24 weeks...baby girl has a 50% chance of surviving if born now. It is referred to as Viability Day!
Symptoms: I have been having terrible pain in my pubic bone area. The only way to describe it would be the feeling of having lots of crazy, wild sex...which I have not had. There is no comfortable position...sitting, standing, lying down all hurt to some degree. My OB (who happens to have a D.O. medical degree) adjusted me last week. My hip bones were off by 2 inches! It felt a bit better as far as immediate walking but the pain never really went away. I finally called yesterday after suffering through this another week and she is trying to get me in with a chiropractor to have weekly adjustments. What sucks the most is that the only thing I can take is Tylenol.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Getting Involved!
So this is going to be totally not baby related! Shocking!
BJ and I were at the O'club last night for our normal happy hour..we go every Wednesday. It also happened to be the OWC Happy Hour. Only 4 ladies (besides myself and K...she also comes to HH every Wednesday) showed up but the 6 of us sat at a table and chit-chatted. I always love to just sit and hang out with girlfriends!
So the conversation turned to the OWC board for the upcoming year. Our current president was there and I mentioned that I would like to get involved more. I just was not sure how or where I would fit in. We started talking about available board positions and I decided to throw my hat in the ring for one of them.
So this morning...I emailed the powers that be and said I would like to take on the historian position. I would be responsible for documenting the year's events in pictures. How fun is that? It just means that I have to go to the events...which I already do....take pictures...which I enjoy doing and we even bought a new camera recently!...and then getting them published on the website. I can do this!
And I think it is something I can do with a small baby. Maddie will be a year old by the time the year is up and when things truly get rolling, she will be about 3 months old. So I will be more comfortable putting her in the drop-in daycare on base. I tend to preach the idea that you have to put yourself out there and get involved if you want to make a difference and now I am taking my own advice!
BJ and I were at the O'club last night for our normal happy hour..we go every Wednesday. It also happened to be the OWC Happy Hour. Only 4 ladies (besides myself and K...she also comes to HH every Wednesday) showed up but the 6 of us sat at a table and chit-chatted. I always love to just sit and hang out with girlfriends!
So the conversation turned to the OWC board for the upcoming year. Our current president was there and I mentioned that I would like to get involved more. I just was not sure how or where I would fit in. We started talking about available board positions and I decided to throw my hat in the ring for one of them.
So this morning...I emailed the powers that be and said I would like to take on the historian position. I would be responsible for documenting the year's events in pictures. How fun is that? It just means that I have to go to the events...which I already do....take pictures...which I enjoy doing and we even bought a new camera recently!...and then getting them published on the website. I can do this!
And I think it is something I can do with a small baby. Maddie will be a year old by the time the year is up and when things truly get rolling, she will be about 3 months old. So I will be more comfortable putting her in the drop-in daycare on base. I tend to preach the idea that you have to put yourself out there and get involved if you want to make a difference and now I am taking my own advice!
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